Residue and residual

The former is negative and the later positive.

My landlord commemorates (gio) her husband seventh death anniversary.

Seven years of living alone, of magical thinking, to paraphrase Joan Didion’s title.

People who died leave behind a trail of tears.

Regret, unfinished business, unrealized dream.

If only I had taken up guitar lessons. If only I had said those few words of apology, or expressing love.

Why didn’t you.

Why wait until it’s too late.

Life is like a drama unfolding…

We can plan a marketing campaign, a trip to the country or outside of it.

But who can say with certainty we will be there, will do that in years time.

Residual income on the other hand keeps coming.

I have received help lately partly because I have given help to others.

Not the same people reciprocated, but because of pay forward.

Years of doing international relief work, international marketing, international studies pay dividend.

My residual reward.

I know about loss. I know about dream unrealized. But I have also seen dreams come true for many.

All the power to those people.

Rest of us live in quiet desperation, under the shadow of our former selves. Or of those who left us here to do some magical thinking. To celebrate their nth death anniversary. I start looking at my landlard differently after today. Something “magical” has happened between us. Empathy?