Trust again

People with bad experiences go through various phases in recovery.

Some need a lifetime. Others could trust again in no time.

All depends how the mind plays tricks. If pain recedes deep into long-term memory, then it takes longer to process pain.

Short or long-term memory, bad experiences stay. They surface on unsuspected occasion (Murphy’s Law).

Mine is about to happen again. The post-traumatic disorder. The pain of separation, of loss and of reunion.

It has been a long time . Long enough to look at it with academic detached eyes. Culture shock, reverse culture shock and personal acceptance.

No one can undo his or her past. No one can predict his/her future.

Only the moment. Cherish it. The usual. That predictable cup of coffee. A familiar face in the crowd. One simple joy of a child’s smile. Trust again.

Music often evokes those feelings e.g. a broken relationship, a lost connection.

Pain of an unraveled relationship.

People hurting people. Policies that destroy instead of building up.

Mistakes committed and opportunities lost.

We fear not new things. We fear that new things will evoke or add to bad memories.

We project the past unto the unknown. We no longer want to take risks.

To trust again.

Could that place, this person do me any good? Or just harm?

Leave me alone and let me retire to familiar pain.

Institutions often fall into this trap as well. Back to basics. Back to safe practices. Operating on marginal cost etc….Yet as counter-intuitive as it may seem, to survive, institution and individual need to take risks (The Innovator’s Dilemma).  Life is like riding the bicycle, so you need to keep moving ahead, says Einstein.

So I charge ahead. Trust again. And say a prayer. This morning. This moment.

This very day. That’s the only moment in time I am granted to grow and learn. And to trust again.