Aggressive swimmer

By the time I arrived, my refugee family had settled in and segregated from the look of family album: father and son (left page) mother and daughter (right page). Drifted South-ward, to Saigon. Then an aggressive swimmer (as oppose to lazy sperm/swimmer) met an egg that dropped. Hello it’s Me.

Then later, another aggressive swimmer, and another egg (from the other lady). Voila. My half-sister. Talking about taking the wind out of my sail.

We grew up in war times, war without and war within. My brother escaped the charade and joined the Army as a medic. I was stuck at home, drifting from one school to another: French, Vietnamese, English schools. Spared from the draft (Saving Private Ryan). Later, I purposefully institutionalised myself in camps, colleges and seminary. Structure is better. Reliable supply of foods. And predictability is preferred over chaos and in-fighting.

Been years since they confiscated all the guns and ammo in Saigon. Even the name got extinct. But our war from within rages on (like DJT lie). We just never wanted peace. We said we wanted it. But we don’t.

The hardest lesson in life is to know one’s self; from the get-go, from the swimming to the egg-dropping, from conception to maturation. Yes, we’re a joint product of two different people, personalities and purposes.

We’re re-purposed to learn the rope, clean and use it, to tow, to charge up the hill.

Many did not make it. Crashed and burned. Most times (except for Private Ryan since other boys in the family already enlisted).

It’s fun to see Graham Nash and Crosby back on the scene, to join Neil Young. It’s like the guy on Second Life, making a comeback on Metaverse where no one knows you’re a dog. Different breed and digital destination.

So from our conception – none immaculate – we’re to act “normal”, within bell-shape range, to secure social acceptance and fulfil its broad expectations.

No anomaly please. The IRS and every other institution expect their citizens to behave, to pay into the bucket and to go to bed early.

Citizens of North Korea and of the world. Hear ye, hear ye.

On a side note. That bully in my youth died of an overdose. Good to have karma around.

Or else, we’re all screwed & tricked into doing good, behaving ourselves for nothing. Sperm and the egg, united then died.

End of story. A life unexceptional. Unprovoking and unduly dull.

Let us pray. God, help us change nothing. Since we have (and are) nothing. Want nothing and get nothing. Stimulate us not, since we’re already predictably doomed from the start. We’re your obedient sheep, to be counted and led to the slaughter. Why bother creating us, after your image – of a dull God, helpless and powerless in face of Evil (uncalled-for bullies and unprovoked violence). We fear of nothing, since in your absence, we’re Home Alone, fending for ourselves with whatever means disposable: our play dough.

When there is no God, and supposedly no accompanied justice and punishment, Hell (or jail) fazes no one, resulting in the collapse of systematic theology (NYT Brooks’ piece on the dwindling and decline of the Evangelical Church)..

We’re people of multiple eco-systems: Justice system. Financial system. Educational system and Information system e.g. meta and digital verse. Grant us this life and our second life, good sperms and eggs, so we may go on in the cloud, our next life – world without end and without want. Meanwhile, evil deeds and evil men prosper. No Karma and lots of promises of pardons ( a picture worth a thousand words, and in DJT case, 100K paid to the PAC).

We stop here. Too tired of praying for peace. For there will never be peace. Only war, without and within, given unchanged hearts of men. So we tune out. Read not the front-page news. Just turn to the TV page. The weather page and the sports page. Don’t dream it’s over! Fading in sound. fade out blog. One life, one sperm.

Aggressive swimmer.