un-seeing

How many sightings we wished we had not seen? Top of mind: money tossed to the seas (regime toppled), the prideful look of the alley bully after knocking me down? a lingering goodbye at the airport gate.

The one we have not seen, yet longed to see and will never see: our own faces. How we wish to see ourselves as been seen! most obvious (there you are) yet hidden.

We have seen its reflections: in group photos, in still waters, in the mirror or on a wall. Ironically , people in and out of our lives have “seen” us (sometimes too much), been aware of our patterns of likes and dislikes (Facebook only wants “Likes” from the top 150 super-spreaders). The IRS ID-me campaign urges people to take picture of their passports. Faces before going to places.

It’s quite unfair to us NOT being able to see what’s been so obvious to everyone (selfie is a poor substitute, since it’s an update of Kodak moment).

Only our Maker and Master can see. And even He , all-knowing all-seeing, doesn’t judge (judge not, for you shall be judged). Instead he spent his days counting and leading each…oh well “sheep” or went looking for the missing one, per parable (all-inclusive, much more than the Marines “Leave no one behind”). Like that clip of a mama bear, waiting for her baby bear to catch up. Even creatures are endowed with that natural affinity, via birth and bonding.

Do no harm. Do no evil. ID me but not ID theft.

Yet we thought we have seen everything there was to see i.e. man-inhuman-to-man e.g. back in the 60’s, civil rights workers were slain, then dropped face-down deep in the swamp. Today? in GA, another trial in the same vein ” oh, we’re catching a thief, not hate crime.” Or in MN.

Seeing is believing. Then not seeing? not believing? Then I have a lot of unlearning and unseeing (un-believing) to do. Why? Because it’s:

• easier to see the flaws in others (if they could see them – damn blind spot – they’d have hidden them, or improve upon them)
• easier for others to see flaws in us (without knowing the context and mishaps) per self-projection e.g. when you drive a Toyota, you notice many others driving the same
• as St Paul put it, “…though now we see only through the glass darkly – ” ( old mirrors distorted reflections of ourselves )

No wonder we don’t believe in (or have full confidence) ourselves, since we don’t ever get to see our faces. We are conditioned to trust family members (who see us most) “you’re very clumsy” (who has never dropped something, please ID yourself). Later, we rely on tableau d’ honneur (Honoring certificate) then on barbers and beauty consultants “this looks good on you”; not to mention being conditioned to “click-bait” posts.

One wonders in the end, what the mortuary make-up artist would say to us, dead by then (while waiting for our enlarged photo to be developed and brought to our wake). Why not affirming each other while still alive e.g. Baby, you’re beautiful!.

Once, when my mom saw me sitting by the window, with a thousand-yard stare; she encouraged me ” you’re a handsome young man. Good things will come your way”. Perceptive Mom. She would have said the same thing had I been born a hunchback.

She saw me. Through me. Knowing me.

I never “know” myself, the way she did me (partly because I never actually saw myself). Au contraire, I received tons of unsolicited feedback (or solicited like recommendations letters at work).

Our faces. Most desirable and distinguishable. In video, we reserve “close ups” shots for the most un-blemished of features. Actors bill by the millions for their various eccentric expressions (think Nicholas Cage, trapped underneath the 9/11 rubble). Before “skip ad”, advertisers rely on some well-paid recognizable faces that caught our fleeting attention (Super Bowl million-dollar moments). For crowd reaction, filmmakers pick out faces that tend to “jump” out of the screen e.g. the Beatles’ concert young girls/fans, J6 horn-man from AZ etc..

And so it goes. Us? Unseen huddle mass? What’s so special? Go on, living out our short lives in quiet desperation. Just the facts mam. Just the numbers mam (what’s your social security numbers?) NEXT! NEXT! Think different (Apple 1984 Super Bowl commercial). Tattooed extras step-by-step toward and past the camera….CUT!. That’s a wrap!

Mortuary make-up artists should be schooled in the art of empathy. After all, on the job, they have to make the best of the worst, often times, trying to forget what they saw at work.

For us, luckier ones, we only have a few sights we’d rather delete before dementia set in.

In my case, windswept currency papers of our toppled regime whose flag somehow found its way atop the US Capitol on January 6. Unthinkable. Quite a re-play of Watergate break-in (ardent anti-Communist Cuban from Miami) levered by the likes of today’s Liddys = Proud Boys or Oath Keepers – tacticians, who worked on strategies by Bannons, financed by Guo or Epoch Times to create chaos and shepherd the mob in the times of peaceful transition of power.

How I wish it (south VN flag) weren’t there. Not on my top mind list of things unseen besides that lingering goodbye at the airport etc..