Fractured image

Tolstoy once said a man’s life were like a fraction. The larger the denominator (delusion) the smaller the sum of his total (self)….or something like that. The point is: concentrate on expanding one’s numerator, not denominator.

I went back to old movies and watched them with new eyes: old B/W ones (Paths of Glory, High Noon) or color ones but not too recent (Color of Money, BareFoot in the Park).

From this “sociological” research, I conclude that;

• the poor (recession) are always with us
• self-projection plays a huge role in isolating us from each other (we identify with ideas and folks of same feathers)
• a failed idea today might be a winner tomorrow
• lucky event doesn’t repeat itself
• it’s easier said than done when you have PTSD
• actors are the most adaptable creatures
• America leads the world not just in weaponry and education, but also in image
• crooks always get ahead of the crowd
• we’re cogs in the wheel, suckers for the taking

There might be more, but God knows I am working on it (to reduce my personal denominator, and increase my numerator).

Besides three meals a day and a bed to sleep on, we rectify and rationalize our ways to “greatness”. In the sixties and seventies, we’ve got Sidney Poitier, Sidney Sheldon and Sidney Pollack. Then Alain Delon, Marilyn Monroe and Farrah Fawcett: all well-dressed, well-groomed and well-applauded. We’ve got network anchors, cover girls and models. All well-groomed, well-paid and well-liked.

The public, we, used them for self-projection, to expand our “denominator” (someone we aspire to, root for and wish someday, become them, even just a fraction).

Then we’ve got Presidents: crooked one, clumsy one and cheater-type (Nixon, Ford and Clinton).

Most recent, we’ve got “A Very Stable Genius” (after a book title) and a Baptist with dangling tool-belts.

People are born and died, every day. It seems as if it were yesterday that Earth had 4 billion. Today, double that (give it some time). The sheer amount of population that need to be bathed, fed and funded should humble us. Think of the war in Ukraine, the earthquake in Syria etc…

So we shut our door, close our eyes and dream. Get passed the Copyright warning, get to the intro and establishing shot (for context) and sit back to self-project. On the screen, to be heroes again, (like Kirk Douglas) barking at the corrupt generals (Paths of Glory) and in the final moment of pure empathy “Sergeant, give the men a few more minutes” (before getting shipped out again to their certain deaths). Sh*t, it was nothing but “All quiet on the Western front”. You must be kidding! It’s Hollywood, all dreams, whether in B/W or color.

The longer I have lived, the larger my shadow/denominator. After a while, I learn to accept and live with my fractured self. Maybe Tolstoy was right after all: our lives are like fractions. Growing the denominator could only make it worse.