Thang Nguyen 555

The 70’s saw me on Sunday, off campus eating alone since cafeteria closed. Roy Rogers, Carl’s Jr., Arby’s, Burger King, McDonald, Jack and Wendy’s, all cheap fast foods without a spotlight on me as in Lonely Guy, played by Steve Martin, who pretended to be a Yelper dining alone overcoming social stigma.

“This is for all the lonely people, thinking life has passed them by, don’t give up until….” For me, it’s a paradigm shift. A lonely Vietnamese is a misnomer, like a quiet American.

No more “moi ba me xoi com, moi anh chi xoi com” (passing the plate first to the elder).

Snow on the ground, in the air. AT&T ad showed an old lady (very much like my mom), walking the Walker, trying to pick up the 2500 handset that is ringing really loudly: “Love waits”, the tag line says. We, then network TV audience, breathed out: Mom and kid connected, at the comfortable rate of a few bucks per minute.

“I am Mr. Lonely” … I took a Greyhound back to N Virginia to join my larger family. Sister’s family. With (lap xuong and xoi) sausage and sticky rice. But first, “cung’ offering of food and flower to the deceased, so they too could join us (acknowledging the respect they deserve).

All I learned about life I did in my first 18 years (10 of which was plagued with war).

Despite it all, we managed to rebuild our meager lives: Tet, ancestor’s memorial (more of them nowadays) and weddings. No birthdays except one for my nephew.

We shared grief, joy, happiness and yes, violent mishaps and misfortune. I wrote about my neighborhood bully, about Cinema Purgatory and about Tet 75 (my last decent one).

As we approach another year away (from homeland), I again sense nostalgia creeping. I wish I could just jump on the Greyhound of old, connecting through Atlanta from Austin, and arriving at Springfield, VA where it’s now mostly ghosts in the ground except for my guitar brother (17 years my senior) who texted that it’s snowing in Bailey Crossroads, Tyson Corners, Seven Corners and Arlington Blvd.

Names that evoke places and face near and dear to me. My uncle Chuc (the one who scaled over people in his “longest yard” to get over the embassy wall) kept on smoking even when exhaled out of a surgical hole on his neck like a horizontal chimney. My aristocrat cousin finally made it to Dulles Airport from concentration camp, only to get hired right there as a porter. And how could I leave out cousin V. who was married to a Ph D in History. She is one of the very first few Vietnamese in America.

Stephen Bishop sang about “wondering how they met, and what made it last…someone waiting home for me”.

I long for home and values lost. But never for the f**k ups (bombing im-precision, or that infamous third-rate burglars the decade previous that led to my humming demise: “I am Mr. Lonely, I’ve got nobody”. Snow was on the ground and order number 1 (Whopper) on the table. No wonder I welcome Campus Crusade on First, Mormons Second, Krishna Third.

Dean and Scott as I remember tag-team holding their tiny propaganda brochures, page by page leading me down the evangelistic equivalent of an AI funnel (Y/N): how would you like to go to Heaven, instead of Hell (the wage of sin is death) and down on down. May I finish my milk shake while you troll.

What I learned I learned in my first 18 years:

• kids are shared responsibility of the whole neighborhood (my early 4 years spent alone all day with a housekeeper) That would sure shape my present persona.
• during Tet, we stopped everything, including “cutting the corners”, the cons at rest. We are after all, looking up and back to our ancestors, to karma and our roots. Be worthy.
• Once marginalized folks, like the ATT old lady in the ad, get “waited on”. Love waits.
• Our long and winding history manifests itself in Dragon myth (now I know why I am glued to the Beatles’ Long and winding road “that leads me, to your door”…
• Modernity e.g. the French the cheese and butter, can wait. It’s time for the past to catch up: sticky been bun, Chinese characters in banners and firecrackers red to decorate. No wonder my uncle’s funeral displayed wealth of combined East and West cultures, horse carriage and New Orleans brass band
• Loyalty trumps clan, class (mostly high school), region and family. Our branding tissues.
• What’s a big deal about individualism, materialism, even capitalism/communism. We are who we’re related to in the order one was born. He who is rich only counts not when alive, but when and by how many who wave goodbyes at the airport and his last six feet. Not “you are what you have” as in materialistic and consumeristic West (how many TV sets do you own? potatoes you consumed in a lifetime?) Oh, you bought eggs by the dozen? We bought by two dozen at Costco.
• Allowance? what’s that? We don’t do snacks. Wait til our dad get home, then dinner
• Ao Dai at Tet festivals as Afghan got theirs. Vietnam is more than a war, or a will to win. There will always be more than current counted population, since we don’t often count the dead (lots of them, still lurking whether at the mention or not). Certainly not a dot on the map to be “bombed back to Stone Age”. Proud folks, of courage and compassion, given some time will show success trajectory to hop over that dreadful middle-income belt and trap. Looking back far to the first King of Hung Vuong, one can then shoot through time into a future. “The road to the future runs right through the past”.
• I am a rare Mr. Lonely, unlike Steve Martin who got Grodin to share a NYC bench (their existential bench). I’ve only got Camus and Campus Crusade, who pointed the way to Heaven, step by step, like used-car salesmen (Grodin says “why don’t you get a dog”). Common Grace, we’ve all got snow – rain, that falls on the field of wicked and the righteous. Like during Tet, even enemy or frenemy got a pass (wait until Tet is over. For now, leave him alone ‘ke xac no’. “Bui Doi Cho Lon” dust of life takes a break to celebrate)! btw, why all the violent movies of Hong Kong, Korea and Vietnam portray cheap life, killed in a fraction of a second en masse. Labor is cheap, but life valuable.

What I learned, ideas worth sharing, I learned in my first 18 years. However, it’s been a constant self-negotiation, compromise, and continuous un-settlement: here, you can take this (meltable part for the Melting Pot) in exchange for my contribution into the sharing economy (that extracts my time and knowledge). Peace Corp? too late for that. Sexual Revolution? I missed that too. Marketers all know that Instagram (targeting kids) is in the long term, generate more revenues than Facebook (dying adults).

Taking stock, I found I had miraculously escaped from loneliness.

Hahaha, “you are what you have”, the voice said. I told you so. By all counts, stuff is “demode” (no longer fashionable). Madison makes sure of it. The adman the bad man the sad man, Behind Blue Eyes. “GE brings good things to life”. Right. Where is GE today, its spokesman (Reagan) and close-ups of merchandise like coffee grinder, coffee maker, toaster, grill, fridge, TV’s, stereo, DVD player, I-phone, laptop, desktop, game apps, this apps that apps, social media, sharing media, multi-media, single podcast, re-podcast for eyeball counts…still cannot do away with existential loneliness. No one knows…behind blue eyes.

When Grodin, the other lonely guy, friend of Steve Martin, got talked out of his suicide attempt, a bystander immediately took his spot – as if a rare parking space has just become available.

I am Mr. Lonely…. I’ve got nobody, of my own….uhhhhhhhhhhh Mr. Lonely….

P.S. To Shawn, who majored in Horticulture at Penn State class 79. Member of a fraternity off campus, he signed up to be a volunteer for campus Conversant program. I will never forget time spent laughing out loud with you over coffee. You’re my “Grodin” over fast food meals. “Order number 79, Whopper and fries”.