The We in Me

Here in Vietnam, I have to remind myself I am back to a world where you cannot simply meet an individual,  as understood in Western sense.

An example of this was in Good Morning Vietnam. Robin William, the DJ, was asking a Vietnamese school teacher out on a movie date. Guess who showed up? Yes, the We in Me: her and her mom, her aunt (just to make the point).

I guess for a start, one has to approach Vietnamese society from the first person, plural to have any luck cracking this cultural code. It resembles the Old Biblical references: son of Abraham etc…

One is defined by the extended families and the region of the country.

Many try to reinvent themselves: cosmetic surgery, losing the accent, marrying up, trading up etc… only to find on ancestral commemoration all the efforts have been in vain (back to being the youngest of the clan etc…).

I felt bad for myself, finding out that here, everyone takes care of their relatives (unlike my living in isolation in Florida, forced individualism).  It’s their version of Obama care: trickle-down blood relation/safety net.

At the core, one is defined as one’s relationship to others in the collective.

It wouldn’t surprise me now to see so and so son-in-law is taken care of by his mother-in-law: from laundry to housekeeping, from setting him for a job to caring for his children (her grandchildren in this case).

No compartmentalising here. Large household. Lots of birthdays, and get together. And when it comes to friendship, it’s our money, more than my money. No going Dutch here. And the circle keeps getting larger as the morning hours approach.

The S Korean young people seem to find a crack on the wall to assert themselves. I read about a street where you can find 40+ cosmetic surgeon shops. And most pop idols subject themselves to the knives to improve their appeal.

Nothing wrong with self-reinvention, of wanting to look like Westerners.

And those backpackers. They immediately realize their “good morning VN” standing. A quick joy ride to the top (tourist), then just as quick a descent.

Westerners or not, as long as you play your part: that of a currency leverager. Once you run dry, you are back to the individual-oriented society, where luckily, if being in the USA, you now have some form of health care.

It’s better to be poor here in Vietnam, than to be poor in the USA.

Who would want to sit alone in a Mc Donald day in and day out where the tables are fixed to the ground, accommodating the most, two people.

Robin William couldn’t have taken that school teacher and her entourage there, because of the sitting, the tasting and the out-of-placeness of that venue. No wonder years ago, someone said: “East and West, the twain shall never meet”.

I met the We in Me here. And I was still hit by reverse culture shock.

At least I can now see it clearly as Robin William did: Good Morning Vietnam, a people. Not Good Morning, you, the individual Vietnamese.