Tag: Mother

Feminism Vietnamese way

I have seen them in Ao Dai, on scooters.

I have seen them in Ao Dai, holding child, on scooters (perhaps on the way to childcare) before work.

I have seen them with child canvassing the street selling lottery tickets.

Perhaps I used to be that very child my teacher mom in Ao Dai used to carry.

I remember we had to get help. Live-in maids. Four working adults in a family were not available for one child.

Existential loneliness. Thay, nhay, chup (stand on the table, toss the ball, jump in mid air, and catch it while falling).

I repeated that drill so many times, it now stuck in my memory.

Then, luckily, I got a hold of my brother’s guitar.

So, from then on, me and the strings.

Back to feminism in Vietnam as I experienced it.

Vietnamese female went professional such as accountant (my sister), teacher (my mom) , pharmacist (my sister-in-law) and dentist (my niece), during the 60’s and war time.

They put in long hours, performed up to par.

Then came home. Another round of expectations: that of a housekeeper, to have home-cooked meals on the table and clean sheets in the bed (Vietnamese female version of Papa – “keep those shoes on my feet”).

Fast forward to the here and now.

Some took a short cut (yahoo news features a mug shot of a supposedly $2500 per night call girl). Others migrate overseas under pretense and pretext of marrying to foreigners.

I only know how my mom lived her life.

From morning to mid-night.

I refer to her in another blog (Mom’s Ao Dai).

But I cannot help mentioning her again since I saw another mom-type, holding baby in arm, while riding the scooter, in Ao Dai (receptionist uniform at a Vung Tau resort).

Good luck to all the children without a helmet. Good luck to all those moms who struggle to raise a family in a very hot, flat and crowded city.

Good luck to young and emerging female type who has to juggle between tradition vs modernity without tossing the baby out with bath water.

Everyone I spoke to agreed that here in Vietnam ,

it’s the women who actually run the show: power, money and happiness/well-being of their children.

Betty Friedman would have been proud: here, they practice feminism without labeling it as so. Just do it. Lean-In. Thanks Mom.

Motherhood, Madness and Meditation

Seeing a photo of a grey-hair guy, on bike and  backpack, riding home with bouquet of flowers in the front basket, reminded me of International Day of Women.

There is no doubt, according to an Australian’s observer, that women are bosses here in Vietnam.

Tiger Mom.

To punctuate this point, I was sitting at an outdoor cafe at 7:30 AM, when three different women, on bikes, taking turn showing up for work across the street.

Despite traffic congestion, pollution, heat, and child-care, they were on the dot.

In fact, I did not need to verify this point.

I lived with a few: mother, sister, cousin, nieces and wives.

The women I know have been remarkably strong, resilient and yes, slightly masculine in the sense that they did not mind the menial work.

Now, with I phone, I pad and scooter, they are on a level playing field.

multitasked, multi-talented and multi-facet.

Women respond to stress much better than men.

Phone companies love female customers: they chat, text, and send pics.

When e-commerce fully takes hold here,  we can be sure that women will spend a chunk of  change online.

Still at early stage of mass market, Vietnam , and its female consumers, are well on the way to fulfill life’s dream: motherhood, madness (shop till they drop) and yes, meditation.

My mom showed me that these two extreme can co-exist. In fact, they need each other to balance out a person, a woman at that.

On this Women Day, let’s salute that we all come from the same Womb, and Technology finally erases the inequality of the sexes (caused by agrarian  culture and industrialization).  Two Vietnamese women came to mind: one at the Pentagon, invented heat-seeking bomb, and the other, in the US Air Force , known for precision strike.

I wish a lot of luck on those husbands whose wives have out-achieved their dreams. May they seek comfort in the company of good men who do not succumb to madness, but to meditation.  A woman’s glory is also a man’s joy. Just have to update your version of software. Think different. Collaborate and not compete.

Recognize the face

Machine is getting smarter (facial recognition).

In “It might be you” Stephen Bishop sings about “if I found the  place, would I recognize the face“.

The face he has waited for all of his life.

Babies could hear before birth (the logic behind classical music during pregnancy).

Then psychologists theorize about us looking for that first trusted face (our mom’s or nurse’s).

I have talked to a bunch of xe-om (taxi scooter), who echoed the same theme: it’s hard to find “chan tinh”, real love.

Sounds hopeless to me.

But surrounded by young people on buses and on campus, I saw a different version: careful but calculated risk-taking.

Man-woman, man-man, woman-woman pairing.

If only we brought back Tootsie, “I became a better man to you by being a woman….”.

Men are built to conquer (biologically). Woman, nurturing.

They could make a perfect marketing team: cold-caller and customer relationship manager.

For now, we are at a juncture where men and women roles are being revised if not reversed.

Friedman’s Feminine Mystique needs its own 2.0 mobile version for Vietnam .

I don’t know about recognizing the face, but I sure have recognized the foods.

For the past three months, I have exacted my revenge.

Also, a good dose of music and arts (highly recommend the museum on Ly Tu Trong for arts and history and C’est Moi for live music).

During the course of my rediscovery (see Adventure in My Own Land), I stumbled upon “Cu Lao” where Nguyen Huu Canh founded South Vietnam.

Our own Columbus did not meet native Indian nor was he offered Turkeys for Thanksgiving.

But he might very well be.

We now have a city nearing ten million mostly young college students.

My job has taken me to different campuses, where I saw learners of all shades and stripes.

Part tech savvy, part social intelligence, these “faces” will be our future leaders.

Would I  recognize those faces, if I found the place.

I might. For some strange reasons, I feel closer to my now-deceased Mom by being here, than in the US.

Perhaps there are more faces like hers. Perhaps they put on Ao Dai (see Mom’s Ao Dai). I can’t figure it out yet.

But I guess I have found the place. That’s the easy part. The hard part is to recognize the face, as if facial recognition apps could help.

Men on the verge of nervous break-down

Here comes the beaver or the beer. Whatever handy to help men cope with his “manpression”.

It is common knowledge that men hardly ask for directions when lost, much less share their problems. Women fare better, whether it’s over sweet, or sweat.

Jodi Foster, most admired for being an accomplished Yale actress-director, has had frequent run-ins with the types: from Taxi Driver (are you talking to me?), to Hannibal the Cannibal (I will tell you if you tell me) to Mel Gibson (Please tell it to the Beaver).

21st-century men are on the verge of a nervous breakdown (unless they belong to the superclass who got together to “discuss” wealth-sharing): warfare almost got outsourced completely to drones, customer service to foreigners, and child care to the state/single-parents.

This recession brought to surface a protracted problem: there are no more Happy Days of lunch-box toting through the gates of smokestacks workplace (see “the Deer Hunter” and the camaraderie of men).

I haven’t added another layer of culture on top of that: that of machismo men (South America, Middle-East), or penchant for face-saving (from Samurai to Confucius social order and harmony).

Think about the Tunisian vegetable vendor. In a NYT op-ed, Cohen penned “people (in the Middle East) with a job and prospect, don’t need virgins in heaven”.

We have had 8% unemployment, most likely men (like in the Shining “I am so bored, I am so bored …”)  join day-time TV  audience (who BTW, haven’t been catered to due to their huge lack in purchasing power). So, Ellen and Oprah just have to follow the money. http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/daily-ticker/america-middle-class-crisis-sobering-facts-141947274.html

Meanwhile, our men, many in construction and financial, are on the verge of nervous break down (not all can travel to Australia or Japan to help rebuild). The President Council for Economic Advisors is cautioned to come up with construction projects  such as safety bunkers, to prevent massive death tolls caused by twisters and tornadoes.

It’s so fitting that BL’s raid still involved human.

Rainbow Six and an army of stay-at-home dads should both be honored. After all, when push comes to shove, as in United Flight 93, it’s men on the verge of nervous break-down who decided to lay down their lives for others. Men may seek help (from beer or beaver), but never for directions. There simply are no substitute for courage and survival instinct. Last Sunday’s event (the getting of Bin Laden) was cause for celebration: the human race is still in tact, male and female, together subdue the Earth (or the enemies, our thorns in the flesh).

Mother’s memorial and modern madam

It’s been a few days since full moon. But people here in HCMC still burn incense and ceremonial money for the dead, most particularly, for deceased mothers. Meanwhile, there is a class of women entrepreneurs who don’t mind drink you under the table, drive to work and in every aspect, personify the softer side of Saigon.

There is a list of richest women published yearly, from real estate to private university, and everything in between.

So, it’s either the upper crust, or those who sell lottery tickets in the rain.

Vietnamese lit often depicts mothers as stern but strong : handling everything in the back room, yet giving credits to their husbands, who mainly serve as greeters. We got the Trung sisters, and Ms Trieu who fought the Chinese invaders.

A new class of single moms have emerged to shoulder all burdens of modern life.

I took my mom’s picture back in the mid-80’s. So it was a bit of a surprise to see the miniature version placed in the back of Van Hanh Temple in Dalat.

I looked twice to find her name plate. She was and in spirit still is my mother, yet known as a teacher to others. She taught me life lessons e.g. be considerate always, put others’ need before your own, and never forget where you came from.

I used to stop by her assisted living apartment to visit, just to find a full meal waiting for me. Today’s equivalent of a Sheraton buffet.

Modernity is pressed for time. And traditional bon vivant is the sacrificial lamb. Burger and drink, want fries with it?

With its current rate, we might see not only the living but also the dead here end up with fast food.  For now, everyone still use ceremonial money and toss rice into the air, to be in harmony with the spirits world. Peace in this life and the next.

Anyone who knows a little bit about history of Vietnam, wouldn’t say it’s a machismo culture.

Watch out for Tiger mom here. Single-handedly, they once did what the whole Trans-Pact Partnership could barely reach an agreement i.e. how to contain and eject unwanted invaders.