Tag: Health

Male vulnerability

Behind the tatoo, the tobacco and the toughness, lies male vulnerability.

I read about how the Watergate break-in was just one among a list of outrageous proposals such as kidnapping, wiretapping and high-priced hookers blackmail etc…

You can’t find tougher looking bunch than those “plumbers” and their Archille’s heels.

Yes, there is also female vulnerability. But male’s vulnerability turns everything upside down: how can he be…..?

Males are wired (no punt intended) to conquer. His logic flows one way: hunt, see, conquer. Nothing gets in the way.

He likes closure, trophies and the declaration of victory.

Like a book with many short chapters, a male life consists of many failed attempts (often edited out).

You are lucky if you landed a few by lines on the New York Times’ obituary page.

Male with high EQ are rare: flexible, creative, sensitive and intuitive.

I am surrounded by male who smoke, swear and swindle. So I am forced to decode quickly. everybody has his or her vulnerable spot.

Call it blind spot. Some has a larger “spot” than others.

When cultures collide, there is a huge gap:

attitude towards the opposite sex, family, society and war invalids.

Men went to war. Men got hosed down. But not stay down.

Yes. Male vulnerability is not much different from human vulnerability at large.

Only when he attempts to gloss it over,  to live in denial and with the illusion of grandeur, that it’s laughable

Momento morir (You will die, your Majesty).

Be mindful, be restless.

As I did. When woke up to the sound of funeral music.

Someone in the neighborhood was buried very early this morning.

The music might as well have been for me. For whom the bell tolls!

Yes, I am vulnerable. Always have.  No sense to deny it.

My left eye

A speck of dust hit my left eye.

It’s all red and feels painful.

Then I thought of my friend from Junior High.

He was drafted and went to war.

Just to come back with one eye left.

We have hung out at cafe, more than any other classmate since that time.

Just a few nights ago, I said goodbye to him before he went back States.

I can relate to his condition just now: he has seen and will continue see his world with only half his vision.

However, it’s he who has been in better spirits than I.

His memories serve him better than most people.

A black-belt in Tai Kwan Do, he manages to live independently for years before getting married  late in life.

Even after surviving a stroke, he still carries himself with full optimism.

I guess when you have less to see with, you filter less, hence see more.

In 11 years since we reconnected, I have heard not a self-pity word out of his mouth.

The funny thing is, those who have never been in the battle field bragged about it more.

Until they come face to face with his fake eye. Those with one mouth and two eyes decide to speak less and see more.

For me, one’s full body parts are irrelevant when it comes to friendship. Just shared time and shared memories.

We accept each other, taking turn at talking. Our group have music and movies lovers. We were not into power or the struggle for it. I wish for him safe passage and quick jet-lag recovery. Since he paid for our coffee last Monday, the next time it will be on me.

My left eye, although hurt, yet helps me appreciate  my friend more. Better than other days, when I got both eyes but saw less. (We can now fade in Lennon‘s Oh My Love…for the first time in my life, my eyes can see).

Shame and Stigma

Making small talks on New Year‘s morning, I mentioned various distant relatives, among whom a handsome ping-pong playing cousin of mine.

I remembered him as 60’s looking, hair, glasses and short shorts.

He was later married with kids before got  sent to re-education camp.

While he was away, his wife had an affair and made him feel ashamed upon his return and reintegration to larger society.

Those external stresses, at first glance, must have driven him to suicide.

My hostess cousin overheard my conversation, rushed out of the kitchen  and said ” cousin T was gay!”

“He had been pressured to maintaining a modeled family against his wish.”

Mystery unveiled for me after all these years.

The stigma (of being gay at a time and in a place where it was unacceptable) was followed by shame (even his “modeled” family couldn’t hold waters).

The agony of shame and stigma must have eaten up the man.

If memory served me right, I , up until yesterday, couldn’t conceive his family as “spinners” of story.

His father showed my mom where to find housing and apply for a teaching job.

My birth certificate (showing the address) still bears witness to their kindness to relatives fleeing Southward during the partition (North-South).

In all appearances, with his father also a teacher, which used to be ranked first (Si, Nong, Cong, Thuong – Mandarin, Farmer, Factory worker, Merchant), and rest of family high achievers until the last shoe dropped.

I felt for cousin T.

Perhaps taking his own life was the only way.

If he had lived in this time, or emigrated to a certain State in the US, or EU,

he could have carried on happily.

He ended life to stay true to his nature. (as of this edit, the US Supreme Court is into its 3rd day hearing about gay marriage).

When Francoise Sagan released her bombshell publication  “Bonjour Tristesse“, a lot of young people committed suicide in France. Existential loneliness.

Our own Nguyen Anh Chin also composed his “Buon oi, ta xin chao mi” (Bonjour Tristesse) after a time living in France.

Every society finds ways to explain outliers and outcasts.

We put much spotlight on how many lives Bill Gates has saved (good for him), but we have yet done inventory of what’s in our closet. Instead, we ignore what we can’t explain, or doesn’t fit into the mold: a handicapped child, a gay cousin, an interracial nephew or an unmarried niece.

Society is judged by how well it protects its weakest link, not to convenient put on labels such as “dysfunctional”, or worse, “reject”.

With 7 Billion , the chance of outliers and outcasts will only increase. Consequently, the burden is  on us to overcome fear, to be a good Samaritan. When you do to the least of these, you have done unto me.

Where is  the “Bill Gates” in each of us? The good Samaritan who stands up to shame and social stigma? (Condom Contest Prize $100,000 from Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation). The funny thing about Social Proof (they all do it) is it changes just as quickly if given the right catalyst and back wind (in 10 years, public opinion in the US about gay marriage has flip-flopped).  Be that force of change. He ain’t heavy, he is my brother.

R.I.P. cousin T.

If you could read me

You would find that I am surprised by the number of employees Google and Apple employed only 75,000 combined (compared that with HP, GM or US Government‘s).

You would find that I still remember “the jumpers” on 9/11, and that we lost good men and women on United Flight 93, as well as Peter Jennings of ABC News.

You would find that after the ATT and T-Mobile proposed merger (or blocked, if DOJ won), I would be at a total loss in a post-telecom world (now they call it Information Technology, once convergence is completed). if Bill Gates, then, at the top of his form, couldn’t see the relevance of the Internet, then who would? Now, people are rolling out 3-D TV‘s and Google glasses.

Speaking of which, the price of contact lenses never dropped in the 30 years.

If you could read my mind, you would say I am crazy to be bothered with world events.

With technology and its ever-shortened cycles (Editor of Techcrunch even stepped down to handle CrunchFund), we need algorithms like Summl to sort out relevance for us.

I forgot to plug-in the landline wire after the Cable guy had installed my video, broadband and phone. It’s a sign that I am so used to wireless devices.

If you could read my  mind, you would know I long for “Yesterday” , not so much for the brick phone (Motorola) with accompanied battery pack. A lot of people still enjoy having their 2500 phone set, with its loud and reliable ring tone for incoming calls (for outgoing calls, the ringing  was “manufactured” by the phone company while waiting for the call to be connected). BTW, a friend noticed that in the US , graves sites are often hidden among well-manicured lawn. Yes, it’s a country that looks forward to  the future, unlike in Italy, where there is a profession called Restoration (Art).

If you could read my mind, you would know that I respect my colleagues who day-in-and-day-out , post relevant and professional tips that pay-forward.

If you could read my mind, you would know that I have never been good at being a fake, so I might as well be authentic.

If you could read my mind, you would know that you and I have been bystanders watching systemic and structural changes (outsourcing and automation).

It happened even when we were asleep. It’s like when your kids all of a sudden need new uniforms, a set of bras, a larger pair of shoes. Before you know it, the frog could no longer flex its muscles having enjoyed a slow-heated bath for too long.

If you could read my mind, you would know I dread the 10th anniversary of 9/11.

I can’t explain to my kids what Post-traumatic stress is e.g. exiling from home, a marriage break-up, a job disappearance etc….  I might be over-protective, but I know they grow up with situation awareness, limited options, forced choice, like the jumpers’ on 9/11 as they escaped the towering inferno, even for a brief few seconds of free-falling.

Wonder if we could read their minds on that fateful  day!

Tech rules again

We all saw Google’s numbers surge. I remember the last time I feel this way was a decade ago. Something is in the works. The market responds. New apps, new ways of accomplishing things.

This might be it.

Just like a line in “It Might Be You“, a theme song in Tootsie.

Maybe it didn’t come in the shape or form we were expecting  i.e. green shoots. But it seems right. A surge in productivity, efficiency and confidence. We barely scrap the surface of Web 2.0.

Just as Wall Street and the old guards found more dirt in housing finance, Silicon Valley struck new gold via better apps. Somehow, as a system, we are self-healing, thus ensuring species survival.

We will soon have to do away with yesterday’s vocabulary, such as “the  engine of the economy”, “ramping up” etc.. all belong to the Industrial past.

In their places, let’s talk about “intelligent search”, “smart appliances” etc….

We will come to understand ourselves, with higher IQ, EQ, social intelligence, and cultural intelligence. The deeper the degree of automation, the freer we are to learn and grow.

In short, minimize chores, and optimize passion.

This 90/10 equation was once enjoyed by aristocrats now available to the common man whose hands are holding smart phones i.e. all-in-one information and data sources.

The faster the processing speed, the more available information, the quicker the decision.

The gods must be crazy (remember the coke bottle dropped out of the sky  into a primitive tribe?). Via GPS alone, human now get bird-eye-view, lifting his gaze way above earthen sky.  Advances in medical technology and environment will push life expectancy even more. It used to be 47 back in 1900. Now it is easily in  the low 70’s and counting.

World’s median age is now 28. But in a decade, this median age will change dramatically. Future aging world population.

(Imagine summer concert full of old rockers, wearing golf shirts).

However it turns out, we celebrate the triumph of human imagination, invention and innovation. One day, the machine will finish this blog for me.

It already knows based on a year’s worth of data what I am going to say next.

So I can go fetch my second cup of coffee. Have a great weekend.