Tag: People

Dilemma called Life

30+ Chinese women start protesting the label of “unwanted” goods.

Tunisian Topless Jihad set a World Religion on fire.

Men teetering on retirement seeking work and love in the wrong place.

A friend in search of affordable physical therapy and health care coverage.

Dilemma called Life.

If it’s easy and smooth, it wouldn’t be called Life.

Life is difficult.

Just as we thought we got it well handled, it slips out of our control.

A Russian astronaut ended up traveling outside of Earth orbit, to never return to Mother Russia.

A death uninvited and unforeseen.

This morning, I saw people rushing to get their turn at  a public hospital. They did not look like they were in need of examination at all.

I have lived and learned as much as I could about life itself.

My findings and takeaways are:

– you can’t win all

– you should choose your battle, but often times, it chooses you

– while you are thinking about life, life goes on regardless of your opinion

– we flow in the fourth dimension (Time), while everyone thinks travel from place to place (3 dimensional world) is big deal

– we can learn in an instant what takes years to grasp

– people who like us will always like us. People who don’t, won’t no matter what we do to try to “earn” their trust and like

– it all boils down to passages or phases (growth, discovery, regret, decline)

– love yourself.

I have put down almost 1,000 blogs. And I think by now, I begin to see a pattern: there is stuff hidden from view. And unless we force it to come out, it will play hide and seek, influence our sentiment and decision.

Rely not on externalities and seek not approval.

Try to understand rather be understood.

I begin to see, to feel, and hopefully understand.

Why women over 30 have to fight multiple battles in China and Vietnam.

Why Tunisian young girl wants to take off her clothes and in doing so gets herself a death warrant (Rushdie of the 21st century).

And why Life itself can only be understood viewing backward.

If only had I been told that Life itself is a dilemma, not a direct line.

Life as Unfinished Book

I brave heavy traffic to get to the book store on Nguyen Hue again.

Just to find out if Murukami’s 1Q84 part II in Vietnamese was available.

It hadn’t. Back and forth for nothing. But the two interwoven stories must have that crisscrossing point, a happy ending.

Can’t wait to find out.

And that was just a novel.  With its dream-like quality.

How about our own lives?

It’s Christmas in Vietnam. The lottery-ticket peddlers are still out pushing luck. The dumpster divers are still after a lucky find. Children are in school, workers at work just to improve their lots.

Nothing unusual, except for the concentration of tourists and picture takers at Saigon tourist quarter, where hotels put up Vegas-style Christmas display.

Noel, as it is called here, is a convergence of realities, now as it has always: manger and Magi, homeless and Honda.

People here don’t believe in magic. Just money.

Isn’t everywhere else?

Cash or credit?

The tree can be fake or real, but the cash has to be cold and hard cash.

Will your life and mine have a happy ending? or like the story of Christmas, it started with birth and ended with burial. The Resurrection sounds like it was added on to give the movement some momentum (Like the Mayan believers after Dec 21st).

For now, the story got another reading. Baby and bath water.

Don’t throw both out. Just believe. Finish the first part of the book.

Just like your lives and mine: beginning, middle and ending.

Can someone tell me what happens to Aomame and Tengo in 1Q84. Will they meet again and have a happy ending. I can’t wait to find out.

All to the payload

Nothing goes to waste. Neither a minute nor an experience, good or bad.

This is not pre-destination. It is how our brain stores and evolves. Millions of calculation, prediction, reflection and reinvention.

Like technology which evolves, so do we. We made a mistake. We did it again. Then we learned. Both David Brooks and Jeremy Rifkin talked about Empathic Civilization and how men have come to relate emotionally.

We (men) were taught at an early age to hunt, to conquer and move on.

e.g. the All-terrain man (NYT Magazine March 20-2013)

If we failed, shake it off with whiskey and move on.

Tough guys don’t dance, or buy-in to empathy, emotional intelligence or group therapy.

Yet studies like the Grant Study found that men do learn from mistakes and adjust in due course.

Partly because the nature of warfare has changed (from hard to software), partly because of women have moved further in the workplace (which gave birth to a bunch of stay-at-home dads).

Whatever the reasons, we do see a generation of sensitive men emerge (or titles like “The End of Men”.

Men who use I-pod, I-phone and I-pad.

Men who drive electric cars (which Tom Wolfe calls the Elf, in his latest Back-to-Blood novel). Men who could be President (Clinton) or just be big-dog supporter of our currently re-elected President.

Not much ego there. Just collaboration across the aisle and across the ocean.

We are living in interesting times: Outgoing Chinese President, and incumbent US  President.

We wouldn’t hear comments as back in Watergate days “I would run over my grandmother for the job” (Chuck Colson).

Now, it’s 2012. The world is tweeting, sharing, Liking, posting, commenting and crowdsourcing.

Utopia? Not quite.

But much better. More empathic a civilization. The late stage of evolution. Grown men do drink milk. Wear tight pants, and do yoga. Yes, I know how you feel. Nothing goes to waste. Those hours of watching and feeding the kids.

It’s well worth it. The bonding at bed-time reading. We have become role-models. For me, I hope my generational “curse” stops here. (unlike the final scene in Exorcist where the young priest, tormented so much he had to take his own life to end the never-ending downward spiral).

I hope for my girls a much better life than mine.

Nothing goes to waste. We transmit those DNA strands and a few variables of our own. It happens to be the first stage of empathic men, last stage of Alpha male.

God bless Aimy and Maily.

Trust again

People with bad experiences go through various phases in recovery.

Some need a lifetime. Others could trust again in no time.

All depends how the mind plays tricks. If pain recedes deep into long-term memory, then it takes longer to process pain.

Short or long-term memory, bad experiences stay. They surface on unsuspected occasion (Murphy’s Law).

Mine is about to happen again. The post-traumatic disorder. The pain of separation, of loss and of reunion.

It has been a long time . Long enough to look at it with academic detached eyes. Culture shock, reverse culture shock and personal acceptance.

No one can undo his or her past. No one can predict his/her future.

Only the moment. Cherish it. The usual. That predictable cup of coffee. A familiar face in the crowd. One simple joy of a child’s smile. Trust again.

Music often evokes those feelings e.g. a broken relationship, a lost connection.

Pain of an unraveled relationship.

People hurting people. Policies that destroy instead of building up.

Mistakes committed and opportunities lost.

We fear not new things. We fear that new things will evoke or add to bad memories.

We project the past unto the unknown. We no longer want to take risks.

To trust again.

Could that place, this person do me any good? Or just harm?

Leave me alone and let me retire to familiar pain.

Institutions often fall into this trap as well. Back to basics. Back to safe practices. Operating on marginal cost etc….Yet as counter-intuitive as it may seem, to survive, institution and individual need to take risks (The Innovator’s Dilemma).  Life is like riding the bicycle, so you need to keep moving ahead, says Einstein.

So I charge ahead. Trust again. And say a prayer. This morning. This moment.

This very day. That’s the only moment in time I am granted to grow and learn. And to trust again.

Holes and gaps

By now, we realize we were born incomplete.

We need one another, like a team that needs complemeting members.

Some lack social skills more than others.

Most know by now how set the trajectory of their lives are.

No more dreaming, tweaking and improving.

Yes, occasionally we indulge in fantasy. But those moments are short-lived.

Then back to business as usual. Back to the routine and mundane.

Back to non-events.

Those huge vacuums often times are not recognized, until someone point them out to us: “you have been insensitive”, “you hurt my feelings” etc…

Males don’t particularly pay attention in this area.

Yet that’s the area which set the course of progress and change: if I like you, I will even die for you. The catch is how to get others to like and help us, when we ourselves know we are not without fault.

First, be authentic and realistic. Born that way. No way out.

Second, forgive others (who are also insensitive and hurtful to us).

Third, carry on with magnanimity, asking for mercy and forgiveness from others often.

I think we will change the fateful trajectory once we really want change in us. Worry not about other’s shortcomings. We are all born imperfect, incomplete and in need of help. You know I made this move first. Now it’s your turn.

Start thinking

This is the last of the Trilogy: Start seeing, start hearing and start thinking.

It’s the hardest, because the end product of thinking is acting.

Acting means change. Change brings dissonance and discomfort.

Our faculty is quite limited: we are conditioned to respond in Pavlovian way.

Group think. Similar to   Adam Smith’s unseen hand that regulates the market, there are underpinnings that regulate our thinking e.g. sub-conscious, upbringing, gene pool and the times we live in.

We find ourselves respond instinctively to rising gas price, to the latest poll and pulse.

Independent and critical thinking require courage of conviction.

Men are social animals.

The thinking man is boxed in and labeled as “philosopher”.

The image is quiet nerdy.

Reclusive and esoteric.

Who wants to hang out with all-hair guy whose response seems to have a built-in three-second delay.

Not fast enough.

We want automatic and reflexive feedback (like an vacation auto reponse email).

Preferably measurable one.

From A to B, we draw a shortest line.

Philosophers and physicists don’t necessary agree with this.

To them, there are various shades of grey.

We rather live as common people and seek comfort in numbers.

To think different is to be isolated, if not ostracized.

Yet we need thinking men and women.

They question how we should then live.

Is this the best way to look at things.

Is this THE way or just one of the many ways.

What are some other ways to skin a cat.

Unless we learn to think for ourselves, others will do for us.

Conformity by default (same with no-show during an election).

Being self-disruptive is an antidote to social decline.

Start thinking. It hurts at times.

It is lonely as well.

But it’s healthy and in the long-term, that’s the only way to survive in an age of intelligent machine.

Software will eat our lunch. But we can still use software to prepare our tomorrow’s lunch.

If we start thinking. Hard. Now. Before it’s too late. The greatest tragedy in life is wasted talent (implied THINKING).

Motherhood, Madness and Meditation

Seeing a photo of a grey-hair guy, on bike and  backpack, riding home with bouquet of flowers in the front basket, reminded me of International Day of Women.

There is no doubt, according to an Australian’s observer, that women are bosses here in Vietnam.

Tiger Mom.

To punctuate this point, I was sitting at an outdoor cafe at 7:30 AM, when three different women, on bikes, taking turn showing up for work across the street.

Despite traffic congestion, pollution, heat, and child-care, they were on the dot.

In fact, I did not need to verify this point.

I lived with a few: mother, sister, cousin, nieces and wives.

The women I know have been remarkably strong, resilient and yes, slightly masculine in the sense that they did not mind the menial work.

Now, with I phone, I pad and scooter, they are on a level playing field.

multitasked, multi-talented and multi-facet.

Women respond to stress much better than men.

Phone companies love female customers: they chat, text, and send pics.

When e-commerce fully takes hold here,  we can be sure that women will spend a chunk of  change online.

Still at early stage of mass market, Vietnam , and its female consumers, are well on the way to fulfill life’s dream: motherhood, madness (shop till they drop) and yes, meditation.

My mom showed me that these two extreme can co-exist. In fact, they need each other to balance out a person, a woman at that.

On this Women Day, let’s salute that we all come from the same Womb, and Technology finally erases the inequality of the sexes (caused by agrarian  culture and industrialization).  Two Vietnamese women came to mind: one at the Pentagon, invented heat-seeking bomb, and the other, in the US Air Force , known for precision strike.

I wish a lot of luck on those husbands whose wives have out-achieved their dreams. May they seek comfort in the company of good men who do not succumb to madness, but to meditation.  A woman’s glory is also a man’s joy. Just have to update your version of software. Think different. Collaborate and not compete.

Customarily Bad Luck

It’s known urban legend here in Vietnam that you do not take a photo with three people. Someone will need to stand in to defy the odds (of bad luck).

It is also bad luck that a person in the photo but was cut out.

I once saw a family picture which had a missing member. Apparently two sisters were either in love or married to the same man. So out of madness and jealousy, one cut out the other’s image from that photo.

Some ancient cultures refused to have their photos taken, for fear that their souls would be captured.

Imprints of expressions.

Frozen moment in time.

Together then separated.

I still remember one elementary classmate whom I later met in Santa Ana.

He must be the oldest friend of my early memory.

Very special indeed.

His face, his smile and his wagging ears.

Another friend who is now dying, also has an unmistakable square jaw.

Later he went on to play “pro” Rock and Roll (wearing a wig).

Another friend/neighbor with pony tail, still playing 8 shows a week.

I just got back from hearing him. His closing number was requested .

“When mama died, Pappa broke out and cried”

A person is nothing but the sum of his memories.

Conversely, a person with complete dementia is just a walking zombie.

Images and music carry us back in time.

Christopher Reeves used to star in “Somewhere in time“, a very soulful and un-American type of movie, which was quite unlike “Back to the Future“, although both centered on time traveling theme.

Last week, I ran into a childhood friend once again.

After the brief chat, I walked away, still couldn’t shake off  the way I had remembered him: the 7th or 8th grade friend I strummed the guitar with (Something in the way, she moves….).

Soon, we will be able to upload our entire history with Facebook‘s Timeline.

The “me” will be among the “we” as we progress through time.

Sharing intimate moments, leaving them in the “cloud”  till infinity.

An insurance against flood and fire, dementia and destruction.

This Christmas will be one of the most memorable ones for me: I get to share it with a cousin whose husband has been missing in action for more than 36 years.  It took her a long time to place his picture on the family altar (reserved for the dead).  When or if we are having our souvenir photo taken, I probably will ask someone to stand in the photo. You see, we could not discount her husband, whose photo is now sitting on the altar, to belong there or not.

Puzzling indeed, and heartbroken in fact.

Human ingenuity

When you see population growth which doesn’t equate with starvation, it’s a testimony to our human ingenuity.

The US has less than 2 percent of its labor force in agriculture, yet no one is without a hamburger (even when it’s thrown out by McDonald).

From Malthus to Moore, we have moved up the value chain.

The race to dominate mobile application is driving companies and start-ups to faster deploying wireless devices and software application.

No more excuses, such as  “let me get back to the office”, since office is now mobile (computer and car cultures converged).

Tablets used to be carried around by UPS men.

Then car rental companies used wireless receipt printers in their return parking lot.

And now, I Pad for everyone, everywhere.

Bio tech century ushers in longer life expectancy (hint, longer customer lifetime value).

Clever marketers would think like a customer, visualize not just today, but tomorrow as well.

Engineering has made its mark. The next century belongs to international marketers who can trade without borders.

Not just Multi -National Companies (MNC), but localized product and market development for domestic consumption (BRIC and CIVETS).

(AIG spins off its Japan branch, or Macy in Atlanta has more hat selections).

We learn more about each other, strength and weakness (Kissinger said, ” we did it to ourselves” in retrospect about the war in Vietnam).

So we learn our lessons and move on. Human ingenuity is not without pain. In fact, pain is a prerequisite.

As long as we learn from our mistakes, and factor them into future plan. The sub – prime experience for instance. It should have been limited  to a lesser share of the pie (but loan pushers wouldn’t settle for those otherwise suffice non-sub prime packages. Up-sell til we melt).

Or as President Carter kept saying, ” I should have factored in one more helicopter” – when referring to the debacle of hostage rescue attempt during his last year in office.

We made mistakes. But great men admit them, learn from them, and work them into the equation. In sales, we call it the funnel. We anticipated the many NO’s coming our way. This, we did it unto ourselves i.e. rejection and objection. Part of the job. Part of growing pain. Part of tapping into the well of human ingenuity.

As of this edit, David Brook of the NYT has a piece on “the Humanist Vocation”. Huffington Post has a piece about the anniversary of the Pentagon Papers. All learned lessons. Work that into future Syria strategy. Work that into the next app. Stop not learning and growing.