Numbers game

At any time of the day in Saigon, you might be approached by street vendors selling lottery tickets, snacks. Even Buddhist monks hold a donation box but with fixed gaze in Zen steps i.e. barefooted on hot concrete.

Self-punishment. I respect the monks. Their self-control , from strict diet to dress code.

Life evolves around 8-fold path.

Born to suffer. Born this way.

The vendors of Saigon play their numbers game.

Lottery players do so as well.

They gather at close-of-business day for the winning numbers.

Dream on.

The more tickets you buy, the more money you lose.

Meanwhile, folks flock to Cambodia where casinos are legal. Reminds me of S Californians who make similar trips to Sin City (Las Vegas).

Dream on.

Meanwhile, Mirage expands to Macau.

Numbers game again. Improving your odds.

Everyone is on the move. Einstein theory on motion (Earth rotates etc…). Gotta improve the odds. Gotta to change that luck. Gotta play the numbers game, however small the probability. Dream on, move on. Nghin nam sau soi da van can co nhau. Thousand years on, rock and pebbles still need each other. What a song and a line to be played at funerals. Quite fleeting.

Memory of a flood

I jumped on the divan and sat in the middle of it, as far away from the rising water as possible. For a  3 year-old, the sight of water everywhere must be frightening. Water like what was brought in yesterday by the storm. Saigon was hit direct.

Trees toppled and treasure lost.

The French architect planned this Indochine admin city for less than 100,000. Now it caters to 10 million. Tu Xuong, Hoang Van Thu and Ky Hoa, all saw huge oaks fallen.

These oaks were like heroes of a thousand faces, stood firm to witness the changing of the guards.

I listened to the radio back in 1963. General after general making great claims just to be toppled by another.

Boom, bang.

The city was flooded not with  water, but waves of army men and women. Some from Australia, others Korea. What did they have to gain – showing off their Martial Art and weaponry ?

To lose?

Amerasian children later immigrated to the States.

They were accepted by neither society.

This land is our land, from California to the New York Island.

From sea to shiny sea. America America….?

Can’t even take care of your own, however illegitimate.

Don’t blame it on the controversial war.

When the GI had sex, he was just American as Apple Pie.

When Agent Orange was sprayed, the toxicity was traced back to DOW.

Just as American consumers are blaming Made-in-China dry-wall products.

Have you ever heard of RFID? We got the technology to scan, to search, to ID.

Come on!

Be brave. Clean it up and move on.

Just as people are doing all over this city now. Solve the big problem by divvying it up into smaller pieces. Make for good firewood.

The water is now receding. Life is back to normal i.e. noise, pollution and traffic jam. Yet people are happy to pack away their ponchos. Soldiers during war also packed away their ponchos. I saw them retreat (7th fleet). I saw people toss bags of  currency that were no longer of any value. I saw tears in the rain. Rain like yesterday once more. Rain like when I was growing up. Jumping right into the middle of the divan, hoping to stay clear of the rising water.

Memory of a flood, of rain, of tears and of separation.

Of loss and of despair. Water recedes, rain stops fallen, but tears still flow. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be pain. I know, I know, no pain no gain. But pain of your own choosing is different from imposed pain.

Ask the GI’s who fathered those Amerasians. They would rather forget than be reminded. Yet their Amerasian children are growing up, hopefully married and raising a family of their own. Their grandchildren will surely ask? Why do I look like this?

What event brought my parent here? Who and what did grandpa say if anything when met? How would he react? Shameful? Regretful? Forgetful? Memory of a flood. Memory of a war. Biological memory of humanity in the balance. 

Goodbye Saigon

Last night I said goodbye to a good friend. He was going back to California. We sat and listened to Louis Armstrong’s What a Wonderful World (Vietnamese singer but if you closed your eyes you would think the black legend was there in person). I recalled a scene from Good Morning Vietnam whose subjective shot of a chopper take off from the lush paddy field of Vietnam country side.

It’s hard enough to befriend then having to say goodbye.

Today a graduate from our school also had his goodbye at the airport.

Australia-bound. Health-care job. Brain-drain. Foreign currency gain. Such as fate of emerging countries whose citizens went abroad on guest-worker visas (Philippines and Thailand).

When I left the city for the first time – I thought it was for good.

No preparation. No Visa. Just take off.

I managed to stop and say goodbye to my best friend.

But that was it.

Seeing this young man with best friends at Departure Gate stirred up some envy (good emotion) in me.

After all there should be a proper way to bid farewell.

We are built with innate desire to connect.

To be torn apart from the land of birth and tossed into the wild unprepared is akin to suicide.

Yet it happened to the best of us .

Strange land (wheat vs rice) strange custom (football vs soccer), culture (fast food vs slow cooking) strange measurement (british vs metric) and strange socialization (the wave).

People might be overly friendly. But that was just customary. Beneath the facade lies an iron core: don’t get near me – stay away from me.

The loneliness of being a stranger in a strange land, of leaving the familiar (identity) for the unfamiliar (a Social Security number).

The rejection one gets when trying so hard to bend the new surrounding after one’s own image.

The abandonment after years of trying to integrate oneself into the mainstream (anglicized names, or first name first in reverse order of the old).

It could be exhausting. No wonder tourists found themselves on Saigon‘s Main Street (Dong Khoi) whose shops conveniently catered to their taste: beer – beef- and R&B (I even overheard California Dreaming last night at Bier Garden).

One cannot appreciate a place or a person until one experienced total loss. No one misses the well until it is dry up.

I love My Saigon on the double because I thought I had lost it.

Paradise Lost and Paradise Regained.

Despite the dust and noise I have experienced during my re-entry.

No lush green  field like in Good Morning Vietnam.

But I love it. For I had once thought I would never get to see it again.

Now I cherish the pavement and the monument.

Someday I hope to convey this lost/found sentiment to a wider audience.

But for now …I think to myself ……What a Wonderful World.

Faith in humanity

A graduate of Penn State, I related well to the scenes from the Deer Hunter, set in an industrial town of Pennsylvanian.

Smokestacks on the slope, familiar faces and friends and the “Welcome Home” sign for returning soldiers from a distant war.

But unlike other wars before and since, this one was controversial.  It showed when the main character, portrayed by DeNiro, ducked behind a taxi driver and asked to be driven pass his own Welcoming party.

Out of three “deer hunters”, one came back without injury to the mind or the body. Am I thy brothers’ keeper?

In CBS  Vietnam‘s documentaries, soldiers were shown sitting in the shade, smoking and listening to transistor radio which was playing “Oh, I don’t want to die”  (Reflections of my life).

Yet decades later, land mines still exploded claiming many more limps and lives.

The late Princess Diana was advocating the elimination of land mines.

At long last, the largest nuclear bomb in TX is being disassembled (the article said engineers have since died off, so it’s hard to locate the blue prints).

Farewell to arms.

Hemingway, go home.

All we need is love.

Faith in humanity. Speaking of humanity. We saw quake in Turkey and flood in Thailand.

The heavy rain and flood forced Thailand to close its airport and evacuate parts of its capital (the toll: 506 deaths).

When it rains it pours there in South East Asia.

I was in Vietnam last year. All of a sudden, it poured really hard.

From a sidewalk cafe, I saw a middle-age lady in cone hat tried to push a scrap metal cart whose wheels were half buried in water-covered pot holes.

Now, the UN is advocating Environmental sustainability, with 7 Billion people sharing Earth’s limited resources, foremost is clean water.

China was quick to beef up R&D in solar and desalinated water.

We can not pretend we live in complete isolation. Debris from Fukushima quake drifted to California.

Flood in Thailand slow down server production, which pushes companies to the Cloud.

First wave: Main Frame, second wave: personal computer and third wave: cloud, which brings us in full circle.

Talking about automation, and unemployment. Stats shows high unemployment among returning veterans of the two wars. It’s time for that Welcome-Home sign again.

Hope they find a job and not wait too long for to receive those benefits.

Hope they won’t  have to duck behind the taxi driver.

Farewell to arms, to guilt and to self-recrimination.

All we need is love and a little faith in humanity. Princess Diana would have been proud to see a female film Director received an Oscar for Hurt Locker. The subject: land mine.

Think, Act, and Think again

We conjured up symbols, codes and instructions for machine to act.
Now that the machine does most of the work. It’s time to play? Not necessarily, because machines get smarter. So, we have to upgrade our own software to keep up since there is no return to hunting and harvesting.From Malthusian and Moore’s law.  from Bowling Alone (without a friend) to Karaoke (without a band), we have evolved beyond recognition. Meanwhile, the Highest court is burdened with same-sex marriage, while American children grow up in motels.

Think again.

Asian self-awareness

In some cultures, people felt ashamed to put on clothes, or if they dressed at all, they would go to the middle of the house in plain view instead of the far corner (where it would draw more attention to the act of changing).

Au contraire, at 24-hr fitness, I notice most of the corner lockers are taken.

In the slump of Calcutta, people have to make do with limited water supplies (10 times less per person than in the West), hence, bathing with their clothes on in public.

When you cross that invisible line between the cultures (East-West, in this case), you move toward individualism. Second-generation Asian American, the I generation, wants nothing to do with their parent’s past i.e. collective living, sharing with siblings or vertical integration with grandparent generations .

I kept hearing that soldiers in the Middle East who defected to neighboring countries’ refugee camps, said they did not want to shoot randomly at mothers, uncles, children etc… Some people are still connected in an extended families web.

The Tunisian vegetable vendor  yearned to break free, to explore, and assert  his rights to exist (while dictators kept dyeing their hair to look young, in control and in charge).

The advice used to be “go West young man”, or “plastic is it”.

Now, backpackers want to go East, and silicon is it.

You know you have completely crossed that invisible cultural divide when you asserted that you are an Asian-American lesbian, with tatoo and want to “kick the hornet’s net”.

– First, it’s not socially acceptable for Asian to self-promote (unless you are in show business – which follows its lead from world’s cosmopolitan centers) for a nail that sticks up gets hammered down,

– Second, although not as extreme as the Taliban, Asian societies are still coming to terms with women in the work place (hence, out of the home). Currently, an act of woman driving alone in some Mid-East cities equates to an act of defiance.

– Third, even in America, and California outside of San Francisco, people are slowly warming up to gay couples and gay marriages.

Social networking helps equal the playing field. The default and template-directed choices both restrict and encourage Asian to “fit” in this new playground (more Asian are on Facebook than any other social networks).

In today’s China, young people are more aware of themselves, and assert their individualism (rapid urbanization in coastal cities) while Chinese society as a whole only focuses on making money. Hence, bikini contest to raise awareness to a cause is an echo of the West’s no-fur protest. (as of this edit, there was a recent Tunisian women lib protest called Female Jihad).

It’s ironic that as Western companies are moving toward collaboration and co-creation , Eastern societies are moving toward individualism and assertion of rights ( China’s wage pressures). In Post-American World 2.0, Fareed noticed that, for 60 years, American went about promoting individual rights and globalisation.

Now that emerging countries picked up on that and welcome MNC’s (GE and Ford made most profits overseas), America forgot to globalise itself (foreign countries are not quite reciprocally welcome e.g, Korean batteries company in Michigan or Chinese refrigeration company in S Carolina).

Maybe someday, there will  be a mutual ground (Hawaii?) where the twain shall meet.

For now, Asian living in America are still negotiating and taking inventory of their predecessors’ cultural baggage (Chinese laundry).

Like a college student leaving home for the first time, she needs to decide which items to keep, or leave behind (for the compact car can only hold so much).

I know she will miss mom’s cooking and dad’s stern disapproval. It’s called conscience.

Internalized code of ethics. Even when rebelliousness is factored in, Asian kids are still slated to excel in college, if not Ivy League (Tiger Moms). Some kids even went on to fulfill their roles as model minorities (doctors and dentists) (a Korean doctor is coming out with a book entitled “In Stitches”).  A few follow Lang Lang and Yo yo Ma

But none so far, emerged in the league of Gaga or Paris Hilton.

It takes generations for the gene pool to produce mega stars, and even then, they can’t handle success (Lohan) or turn up dead (Bruce Lee). In cross-cultural studies, I learned that Asian societies are analogous to crabs in a container (with out a lid, because as soon as an “individualized one” manages to crawl out, its legs are caught by another’s which pulls it right back). There’s no “defriending” button in Asian society. But then again, there is no need to go rob a bank for a buck, to get inmate’s medicare as showed in the news recently. In “On China”, Mr Kissinger referred to the 19 th century during which a British merchant presented his industrial product samples only to be misconstrued as Britain paying tribute to the Middle Kingdom. That mindset i.e. old China to burn their own naval fleet, cheated them out of centuries of progress.

Until 1980 and until now.

An act of self-reinvention

The New Jersey blond lost her apartment, moved West, went to Planet Hollywood to have the crown place on her now-red-hair. Our Miss USA, from California.

Down turn happened for a reason. It forces us to take stocks, to reinvent and innovate.

A lot of people would rather move to try new places and opportunities, but most got stuck (esp. when the banks haven’t come up with court-required documentation to foreclose).

This is one of the rare times when the house does something to us (as opposed to us decorate or renovate it).

Houses used to provide shelter, status and security.

Now they are used as casino chips, trapping cages and court cases.

Might as well investing in ourselves. We need to rearrange and reconfigure to optimize ourselves.

Each of us got something unique: amiability, great memory, tactile ability etc..

Do an inventory. Emphasize the strengths (like “always show up” per Woody Allen‘s line i.e. “showing up is 90% of success”).

Those of us who have obsessive compulsive disorder can work at night as commercial janitorial supervisors (so we can leave the building spic and span in the morning).

Nothing left to chance or to waste.

We need everybody to make it work here on spaceship Earth.

http://www.newsweek.com/2011/06/19/it-s-still-the-economy-stupid.html

I received some pictures of Saigon before 1975. I noticed how clean (unpolluted) the air was back then. Cars and taxis just parked. People walked and took their time.

What’s a hurry? only a nasty war, one in a series in our long history.

So, Saigonese back then just went about their days, window-shopping or just strolling.

The boulevards and architectures were unlike anywhere else: a mixture of colonial French and non-traditional Asian.

Given my early French education, I hardly thought of myself as an Asian (the way the American would look at let’s say, Chinese coolies in Hell Kitchens – BTW, the official footwear for miss USA Pageant was ironically “Chinese Laundry”. Can’t wait for next year’s official sponsor of miss Universe’s cuisine in “Hell Kitchen”).

So we are represented now by a Jewel-like pageant, who moved West, and determined to make it. Good luck in the big league (Miss U).

It’s encouraging to see someone who is so willing to take on a new persona, walk the run-way with poise (after all she managed to leave Jersey as a line in “Born to Run“).

All the leaves are brown, and the sky is gray. The red-hair went for a walk.

And saw her “California Dream” come true. How is that for “self-reinvention”. I want what she is having (When Harry met Sally).

The analog attachment

Years ago, I was fascinated with the California flea market.

Back East, we got garage sales or moving sales. But the Bay Area markets sold vinyl albums, “flower” clothing, books and even gourmet meals on wheels. A Vietnamese family even offered sugar cane juice next to a hot-dog stand.

Fast forward 20 years. A random walk down a flea market today found all things analog, for a dollar:  books, cell phone accessories and cleaning products.

People even tried to sell Sunday papers there (while the NY Times now offers membership package for its online version).

First we downloaded some music for free. Then we paid 99 cents.

Then comes the free online news. Now we have to pay a subscription fee for more exclusive content.

It’s fair, especially for mobile download apps etc…

Many will disagree with me.

But how would journalists feed their children, especially when they have to travel overseas on assignment (and got injured, tortured and kidnapped).

We evolve once again into a two-tier society online, just as we have off-line.

Financial Times, Rupert Murdoch’s News for I-pads, WSJ and now, NY Times

all go for paid content.

The developing poor got an analog version (the other side of the digital track), http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/20/fashion/20Cultural.html?src=me&ref=homepage

the middle class  enjoy free “coach” content, and the high-class, paid content.

We seem to have reached a compromise in this Pro-Am emergence. The digital divide is coming to clearer focus.

When I was in school, all I knew was that we lived in a world of 4 Billion people.

Now, it’s a 7-Billion digital play ground.

And many of us will watch movies on Facebook, in-mail each other on Facebook, and recommend news on Facebook.

Netflix, last year’s number one company, will have a run for the money.

Meanwhile, Rackspace and Amazon lead the way to the cloud.

We finally move up the value chain, where software apps rule.

IT admin guys will be the new Maytag men.

I remember clearly voice analog people spread the word that VoIp was quite choppy, hackable etc.. until people can dial 911 from their mobile phones,

which put the nail on the analog voice coffin.

Now, a walk down the flea market will find many CPU’s, servers  for sale because companies will have made a leap to the cloud. Moore’s Law wasn’t about the time it takes to double the speed of chips.

It’s more about how quickly we need to let go of our attachment to all things analog.

No wonder agriculture farms in Idaho and Dakota (cold weather) now give ways for server farms (cut down on the electricity needed to cool the cage).

Heartland America once again thrives after losing a horde of people during the Post Dust Bowl era. There is no turning back to One-hour photo or even Red Box.

That’s how fast change has arrived. Wake up to the new digital reality. If you don’t believe me, then visit your nearest flea market to see what ‘s on sale. Gadgets you now embrace at home.

If so, then it’s time to go shopping. And by that, I mean online shopping, not to Circuit City. It has been out of business.

Honor roll

I attended a power breakfast this morning.

Neither Presidential nor Congressional.

Only elementary honor students and designated parents.

Something about “the magic”.

New Report System (Most improved etc… as opposed to traditional A,B,C grading).

I am proud of my daughter.

She exhibits all the traits of an up and coming Asian student (the model minority). Tiger Mom, you know (translation: I got “Tiger” spouse).

Just then did I notice Bonnie from Penn State, and how she was introduced as one “who knows every student by name”.

That’s a tall order to know each kid and affirm them.

Where would we be today without those “Bonnie’s”.

I am a TK (Teacher kid).

I know the  price a TK has to pay (as his mom was at service of thousands of other kids).

Mom, could you tug me to bed (instead of grading school papers late into the evening).

Society is highly hypocritical when it comes to children’s right and

pet’s right etc…

But as soon as we grow up, Bam! we got put into boxes (in California, latest  census measures showed ” alarming decline of non-Hispanic white group etc…”).

Indignez Vous?

The author of the above title also joint-authored the UN Human Right charter. Still going strong at 93. Still fighting with every liter of hot blood.

I want to leave behind two beautiful kids, who will give so much to the sustainability of spaceship Earth.

It’s always noble of parents to say they want better lives for their children. This was true with my Mom.

Now it’s my turn.

Have you ever paid attention to the hyphen (-) key on top line of the key board.

We all are “hyphens” in between generations,  not “dumb” nodes.

We adapt, evolve and discriminate (in a good sense), to uplift and elevate next generations. Net-Geners will have longer life expectancy, but conversely,

they will bear the brunt of  financial and environmental burden.

I felt sorry for having bought  the water bottle trend back in the 90’s.

For you, perhaps, the SUV‘s.

Global warming wasn’t the act perpetrated by any single person.

The school handed out my child’s honor roll.

But it’s our responsibility to make sure she get breakfast roll, without accompanied toxicity.

America is still number one in some areas, among them, obesity and rate of incarceration. Yoga, baby, yoga.

21st-cent Chinese expats

The Economist has a timely expose on “the Tale of two expats”.

http://www.economist.com/node/17797134

It is written from a British perspective.

If it were for the US, an entire section would have to be added in (given the background of Chinese Exclusion Act, the Japanese Internment Camp, and 80’s Yellow Peril).

It’s hard for America to accept the reverse flow of WTO. The last time they came, they came to build the railroad which is now one of Buffet’s investments (the irony doesn’t seem to escape: first the “coolies” came to build the track, then their mainland counterparts built and shipped the goods to be transported over these railways , specifically from the Alameda corridor to the East Coast – then Warren Buffet went to China to solicit wealthy Chinese donors to join his high-profile giver’s club). Many weren’t allowed to bring their wives over (modern expats at least will go home after a short stint). Today’s Chinese expats found natural inroads (Houston, Monrovia CA, and surprisingly, MD) and better acceptance of brand Asia (Sony to Samsung, Honda to Huyndai). For now, they try to move up the value chain, from traditional Chinese Food (except for Tao in Vegas), to China Telecom.

The Economist’s article does not want to speculate about Chinese expats’ re-entry and reverse culture shock. But for sure, after a few years of  (western) acculturation, they will repat with fresh eyes and appreciation. Most will regain their posts, but all will question the assumptions about their society (No garbage strike? Maids are always women? Rote learning in school?)

For now, the US is sitting on an uncomfortable seat. It’s one thing to offshore manufacturing to China, it’s another to see them “inshore” and start making solar panels and VAS services such as infrastructure as a service (IaaS) right here.

If history is any guide, the Chinese expats will keep coming, not to build railway, but to build information superhighway.

They tried their hands at satellite (with centuries of experience in rocket science).

And most of all, their willingness to humbly take things apart and reverse engineer each product (watch out IP lawyers).

They will follow the Japanese tracks. When the Japanese team who built the Sienna and Lexus came to California, they were told to eat and sleep like Americans – drive-through In & Out, motel 6, Las Vegas….

Just to get into the mindset of an average US driver. The results: two sliding doors for soccer moms to drop off their kids.

21 st century Chinese expats will bring home a thing or two. Unlike their Western counterparts, foreign wives won’t be among their trophies. Higher regards for individuality and his/her right to protest will. They will come home and have a second look at their maids who for centuries have been taken for granted as inheritance from an agrarian past. The benefits of industrialization and globalization tend to flow both ways.