Tag: Health

Dilemma called Life

30+ Chinese women start protesting the label of “unwanted” goods.

Tunisian Topless Jihad set a World Religion on fire.

Men teetering on retirement seeking work and love in the wrong place.

A friend in search of affordable physical therapy and health care coverage.

Dilemma called Life.

If it’s easy and smooth, it wouldn’t be called Life.

Life is difficult.

Just as we thought we got it well handled, it slips out of our control.

A Russian astronaut ended up traveling outside of Earth orbit, to never return to Mother Russia.

A death uninvited and unforeseen.

This morning, I saw people rushing to get their turn at  a public hospital. They did not look like they were in need of examination at all.

I have lived and learned as much as I could about life itself.

My findings and takeaways are:

– you can’t win all

– you should choose your battle, but often times, it chooses you

– while you are thinking about life, life goes on regardless of your opinion

– we flow in the fourth dimension (Time), while everyone thinks travel from place to place (3 dimensional world) is big deal

– we can learn in an instant what takes years to grasp

– people who like us will always like us. People who don’t, won’t no matter what we do to try to “earn” their trust and like

– it all boils down to passages or phases (growth, discovery, regret, decline)

– love yourself.

I have put down almost 1,000 blogs. And I think by now, I begin to see a pattern: there is stuff hidden from view. And unless we force it to come out, it will play hide and seek, influence our sentiment and decision.

Rely not on externalities and seek not approval.

Try to understand rather be understood.

I begin to see, to feel, and hopefully understand.

Why women over 30 have to fight multiple battles in China and Vietnam.

Why Tunisian young girl wants to take off her clothes and in doing so gets herself a death warrant (Rushdie of the 21st century).

And why Life itself can only be understood viewing backward.

If only had I been told that Life itself is a dilemma, not a direct line.

jet lag

Jet lag makes you feel hallucinating. Your body clock is still in sync with the old-time zone, and so, your sleep is out of whack.  Brought back a memory of a minor jet lag (East coast, West coast), whose hotel bed could not even induce me to sleep.

Then I visited my mom at her then assisted living apartment. As soon as I got there, I just laid down and took a nap.

My most peaceful nap to date, and the  last time I remember ever be near the womb which had incubated me.

We are defenseless against forces of nature. Yet we need to survive as much as ants in their colonies.

Somewhere along the line, we learn when to push the limits, when to yield to Jurassic Park electrified edge.

Aging is one.

I could handle jet lag in my younger years much better (coming back from the East doesn’t help).

I however use this time to recover and reflect, on lessons learned.

I learned from people young and old, and not just old.

I picked up a few tips from people of different personalities and nationalities.

You can say, I try to cross-pollinate while cross-referencing my newly acquired contextual learning.

I found out there are many ways to skin a cat, carve a cow and smoke beef.

Just as there are many ways to love and express love. Betrayal however has only one.

Even then, I learned. All along still trusting, still hoping there will always be next time. Hope never fails.

And jet lag doesn’t last forever. Just like any lingering pain at the joint or the heart.

I have never come back to that Assisted Living since my mom had long passed away. But every time I got a jet lag, I do miss having that nap on Mom’s bed. Feel safe and accepted, no matter how far along you have been.

Fear as Motivator

As a child I feared rising flood water (drowning).

I feared thief by night, bully by day.

I feared having to stand out in the crowd (wearing bright colors).

For a nail that sticks up will be hammered down.

Fear of being drafted, of being called out in class to recite something in English.

Fear of being compared to other high achievers (relatives or peers).

Vietnamese childhood has been a dread.

Peer and parental pressures would make “Tiger Mom” in America paper Tiger.

French teachers would check my finger nails every day, and neighbors would stare if I put on a new shirt. Later, in seminary and seminars at corporate level, people would ensure conformity (rep ties, Oxford blue .. the Brook Brothers look). Sales trainers role-played down to a firm handshake and advised our teeth-cleaning every three months.

All that, until the pink slip came.

Then I don’t put much weight behind those fear of the unknown. Some people whose life was totally invested in those codes, couldn’t take it e.g. retirees from the CIA were known to die within a few years off-service.

The old Command-and-Control system works well within the confine of those groups (cultic and militaristic).

But our new world, our multi-polar world, is looking for a different kind of leaders or even leaderless organization.

The best thing can happen to a worker is being fired. Then he/she can begin a new narrative and journey.

The mother of all fears is fear of death. Work back from there, and you will be amazed.

In my end, my beginning.

Like it or not, we are armed with an instinct to survive (camouflage, conformity and compromise). We know when to hold, when to fold.

The cavemen reflexes are built-in.

Cavemen or corporate men.

IBM Red-white-and-blue or hairy beardy 60’s. We carry our fears around.

Just use it, as a motivator.

A little more risk here, a toning down there. We will find the ideal mix between self-destruction and self-preservation.

Those who venture nothing gain nothing.

Those who risk it all, got nothing left to show.

But progress demands self-disruption and self-examination.

History is made by those who both advanced and retreated.

The fear business, like the vice business, take up a lot of GNP.

9/11 took that up a few notches: scanning machines and profiling algorithms.

With all the security apparatus in place, we still fear (no large shampoo in carry on).

Fear paralyzes, fun liberates.

Animals spring out to appear larger than they are (to self-preserve).

Butterflies also flap their wings to gain wind leverage and to avoid capture.

Use that which we are endowed with.

Fear motivates but dull not our senses because of fear.

The odd that something bad happens twice at the same place and circumstances is nil. Use our heads. People who got Purple Heart are testimonies to valor and courage, in the face of fear. I still fear of flood, of bullies and of corporal punishment. But they fear me too, if I turned off mine.

Use it.

Growing pain

Tragedy and triumph seem to go hand in hand.

Past pain could be paralysing yet addictive.

Those who couldn’t get over it end up going back to it.

Not for the broken experience but for the context where pain first occurred. When shattered, we threw the baby out with the bath water. In coming back, with time and distance in between, we can salvage the damage tragedy had destroyed.

Since “baby” and “bath water” were together, we always end up with both.

Stimuli and response again. Painful again. Bitter pills to swallow.

I remember my first trip back to Fateful Beach (see other blog).

Later, a few more times, I could swim, play in the sand and regain that childlike feelings.

Pain of the past never remains in the past or at the place it first occurred. It stays and grows with us. Becomes part of us. We are all walking depositories of both pain and pleasure (ask our parents how we did come about). When our brain forgets part of past pain, it’s good amnesia.

So fear not the swim up river. There might still be ambush. There might be not.

Chances for accident and mishaps to happen twice to someone at the same place is almost nil.

But in that far corner of our head recedes that creeping fear of past tragedy. Call it Post traumatic Stress Disorder.

So we close its door, and throw away the key.

But it’s there, growing. gaining weight on its own. A stranger within, waiting  to be met, to be friended with. To be at peace with .

It’s natural and healthy for Black Swan and White one to co-exist.

As long as the duality makes us strong and not weakens us.

It’s part of life. Pain (past and future) that is.

Crying girl

I walked by a shop today and I saw a girl holding a knife, crying.

She was peeling onion for the restaurant.

Artificially induced tears. Not triggered by sad emotion.

Real, nevertheless.

It made me appreciate behind-the-scene people (since I happened to have breakfast with real onion, the same kind this girl was peeling).

Nickel-and-dime folks make a living by sweat and tears.

Or those who shed blood for our nation’s security.

Blood, sweat and tears.

My friend’s Dad who recently passed away, used to deliver a sermon on Jesus Wept.

The I-am-with-you gesture only God incarnatel can extend.

Go ahead and tell the Newtown parents to stop crying.

Tears from the onion peel might stop, but tears that well from within (induced by tragedy uncalled for) are hard to stop. Ever. They will creep up at unexpected hours, in the dark of the night, or in the middle of a crowded lunch hour.

I am sure the girl I saw had been doing this for a while, if not everyday.

She knows when to stop, but then, not stopping too long.

The mechanical reliability performed by human.

If only the owner went ahead and bought a machine.

Then the girl would be out of a job.

She would then be crying for real.

Some factory girl in China would dutifully ship the order, my job over yours.

Blood, sweat and tears.

We were “cursed” to toil the ground per breaking the contract with our Maker. For now, tears to make a living in Saigon, tears for neighbor’s kids in Newtown, Our Town, and tears in Heaven, as Eric Clapton put it.

Yes, we need perspectives and point of view to overcome tragedy. We also need help and comfort from one another (in Newtown, strangers gave each other a hug, very needed hug). No man’s an island. Many eat onion, some don’t. But someone got to peel the damn thing. What I saw today was real tears. What I saw on the NYT photos the other day, was digital, but real nevertheless. Jesus wept. Not just Crying Girl, but also Crying God.

When dreams are gone!

A few blogs ago, I wrote about Noel Decoration in Saigon.

A few weeks from now, the glitters will have been all gone.

Party is over.

Then, it’s a long grind. 2013.

The quants have already crunchedl year-end data: sunk costs, margin, consumer behavior (irrational at times – hint: sell spirits over the holidays).

The monks look on Christmas helplessly. They wait their turn (Buddhist birthday).

Girl friends are hoping loudly for gifts, employees for bonus.

After all, it’s Christ‘s birthday.

The author became a character in a  play he had created.

Empathy. Homelessness. Rejection. Illegitimacy (ask him for his birth certificate).

Our consumerist society has co-opted and corrupted every single occasion to sell merchandise. Together, we build “brand”.

The dream goes like this, “it’s Christmas, the season of giving. So borrow and buy, first for your miserable self, then for those near and far, like them or not. Ship them, don’t like them, then return them. We will send something else, or give you store credits to shop some more”.

Many of these “gifts” end up in the closet along with next year’s wrapping papers.

And dreams just don’t stop there. New Year’s Resolution, ranging from vocational training, weight loss program, and cosmetic surgery. We keep trying, because after all, “life’s a moment in space” with a few surprises around the bend (hopefully they installed mirrors around the curves).

“When dreams are gone, it’s a lonelier place”. In a few weeks, those same hot spots where decorations are now up, will be desolate.

The crowd will have moved on, from Bethlehem to Babel, from cashier to customer service. Next! Return or exchange? 2013, long grind.

Madonna and child

Not the Seine in Paris. But Rach Nhieu Loc in Saigon. She wore a cone hat. Baby tanning in the morning sun, resting in her bosom. The other hand, she checked her messages from a mobile phone.

It’s  Thanksgiving in Vietnam. People  have a lot to be thankful for. It’s now ranked second on Happy Country Index (the US 25th on infrastructure).

Infrastructure and Index of Happiness. By all counts, the canal stings. But people as a whole are considered happy. Many would care less for the Mayan calendar and its doom prediction.

When it gets too hot, it rains. Nature idea of  a “smart” grid. GE is investing heavily in “industrial internet” (the way Bill Gates referred to in his “at the speed of thoughts”.)

People here move about at the speed of motorbikes. It barely rains and people are already in ponchos and helmets , zooming by non-stop. No delay, no second thought.

Moving forward. Day after day. Only the future. When school is out, kids pour out into the concrete sidewalks, like a disturbed  beehive.

High-margin items are on display, all mobile related (I phone casing, eye glasses and sun glasses, helmets of all stripes, pull-overs and book bags).

Students from the country side try hard to accommodate themselves off campus by working at odd jobs.

I found an eatery with decent meals. Sharing a round table with strangers: meat, rice, soup and iced tea.

French-style cafes are extremely popular, serving cafe-sua-da at all times of the day.

007 is shown here too, interlaced with Twilight.

I wonder if the life style depicted in those movies ignite young people’s aspiration.  The Twilight cast, red-eye aside, all look perfect when they don’t go “hunting”.

Books are confined in a dozen outlets, scattered around the city, still priced themselves out of reach of the average wage earner.

The publisher I am in talk with has a branch office behind a huge pagoda, which is located across from Vietnam’s famous Vinh Nghiem pagoda. So, it’s not just KFC and Burger King who stake out prime locations. Religious outfits do so as well.

Meanwhile, the population understands health and fitness, how they relate to happiness. A nation ranked second after only Costa Rica in Happiness can surely connect the dots.

Their diet is healthy and their movement swift.

It starts early in the morning and early in life.

I saw the evidence this morning. Mother and child. Sun bathing.

Texting and tanning.

All contribute to the formula of healthiness besides discarded Vinamilk pouches on the street.

Perhaps technology has contributed much to Vietnam’s progress. Today, if you found a bicycle moving about, it’s a rare sight.  You can’t reverse history (especially in China, where automobiles are now as common as bicycles three decades ago).

You can only move forward with industrialization.

You read these lines. You know I am at an internet cafe next to my cafe-sua-da.

I do have something to be thankful for. I found a high-speed internet location.

Least resistance

Organizations and people in them tend to take this path.

Status quo. Business as usual. The comfort of routine. The predictable, mechanical rhythm. Makes the world go round. Until we drop out. One person at a time. Dust comes to dust. But the morgue still sends the bills. Please pay by a certain date, or else, interests will be applied. Routine red tape again.

Beyond death, even our own, the system goes on, to claim its next subject (victim), from birth to burial, from cradle to the grave. Have you noticed that we all got wrapped in those institutional blankets when we first arrived, and the same when we exit. They may even wrap a wrist band around us for ID. Try to enjoy sunshine, because the beginning and the end, are all lighted by fluorescent lights.

Path of least resistance. Fight not against the system. Especially Health care.

When you need its services, you are not in a bargaining position. We saw the shake up of the banking system over the last few years. Those shiny lobbies and marble floors, silk ties and slick suits. They jut paid the fine, and moved on . Now, it’s business as usual.

Shake not the system. Follow the path of least resistance. Start here, end there.

We have always done it this way. Get back to the bottom of the totem pole.

Shake not the pole.  We just pay lip services like “the more the merrier”, but the reality is Earth’s 7 billion are not welcome. We are not resource-rich enough to welcome all (you would think with the vast expanse we call the United States, people would do away with Up Stairs Down Stairs, as in crowded Britain. Yet, still “no room in the inn”, and the map got divided into Red States and Blue States. Geography of the mind, more than of the map.) Tighten the border and the security. Status quo reigns. Until death claims one at a time. Just read the NYT‘s obituary page. You’ll see. When faced with the fork along the way, take the road less travel, not the path of least resistance.

Relationship hardship

The more you try, the less likely it works. Paradoxical as it may be, relationships don’t operate like other laws of physics or economics i.e. pour water in, out on the other end you get, if efficiently, the same amount.

Sometimes, your ROI are so low that you wish you had never commited to it.

That’s when we realize there is no perfect world, nor are there perfect people.

People are tired,  unpredictable and subjected to stimuli, sensation and stress.

They are forced to be efficient and productive at work, but in real life, in personal life, they revert back to being themselves i.e. unpredictable.

Compliance at work, self-governing at home.

These two opposites intersect when we visit a co-worker at home.

He/she is viewed in new light, in a different context:  unguarded and out of character.

There is no science to managing a relationship. It’s case-by-case basis. Artful, not scientific.

But there are etiquettes to be observed: reciprocity for instance.

When people go off on a cliff, that’s undesirable but understandable. Or when they try to make us into somebody else, that’s also uncalled for.

We are all unique. That makes this world of nearly 7 Billion people an exciting place to be, to discover and to tread carefully. Don’t assume. And don’t impose.

On top of generational differences, we have cultural differences  and gender differences.

Still, there are hopes. People still get together, talk it out, and resolve their differences. Despite all the power struggles, people seek to compromise, adjust  expectations or part ways.

Somehow, people always find a way. Relationship hardship. Unavoidable blessing and burden.

joy of giving

  • A close up view of a traffic light illuminatin...
    A close up view of a traffic light illuminating red for stop using light-emitting diodes (LED) in North Carolina, United States. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I saw Clinton’s book on Giving at Goodwill store.

The irony did not escape me: its donor must have thought he/she should act upon the idea right away.

Christmas might be the season of giving, but not when we are at a stop light, ambushed by the man with the “Help me out” sign. Our reflexive rush to get somewhere takes over.

The idea of giving is that it’s part of us, and part of life. Intrinsic and natural, not forced or enforced.

People who give are also people who receive. It closes the loop.

We often receive advice and give advice.

We even give unsolicited opinion.

Without giving, universities and charity won’t function as they have.

Grant for research and grant for immunization.

It’s a tradition in America for the super rich to give back to society.

Now, there is a wealth imbalance, which should trigger more giving to close that gap.

But it has not happened. Go figure.

So give and rediscover the joy of giving.

Get off the chair and start pull out the check book.

Try first at the stop light with the man with the sign.

P.S. After posting this for a few days, I found the man with the sign. Except that birthday boy (65th) holds the sign that says “I have a job, a home and a car. http://shine.yahoo.com/work-money/man-celebrates-65th-birthday-giving-away-free-money-174400395.html  “Want some money for coffee”

For 65 minutes, he gave out $375 to drivers at stop sign, and  found joy in giving.