Mobile books

I was waiting for my scooter ride outside Cho Ray Hospital when a peddler approached me. “Want to pick something to read?”. Turned out, she was selling used books, in a box: Cu Chi Tunnel, My Lai Massacre, When Heaven and Earth Changed Places, Sorrows of War, Understanding Vietnam

Those subjects are now as old as the war itself. All healed and pealed, just scars.

When I was in high school, I went up the gang-plank to tour the Logos ship.

This ship carried books and Bibles across the ocean to far-away lands (of heathen). Later, to reciprocate, I volunteered one summer aboard the Doulos (Logos 2.0) ship to W  Africa.  I saw the longing for a better life in those dark eyes. The instant bonding of men in different skin colors. And the no-way-out trajectory of Liberia in the mid-80’s.

Mobile books.

But not up-ward mobile lives.

Now, we have e-books and e-learning.

Open U and open source. I wonder how many of us are taking advantage of free access to advance ourselves.

I wonder how many sales the peddler made yesterday outside the hospital?

I wonder how many patients bought and read about Man’s Fate .

I read so I won’t be alone.

I am reading “Love and Garbage”.

And I appreciate your reading this, so you and I are not alone.

Love, death and garbage will always be with us. It’s an unmovable law. The consolation is, we are not alone in this. Want to pick something to read?

Leaving your heart behind

Home for the holidays. For my students at least.

For me, 37 years ago, I was feeling on edge. One-way with no return.

Yet, it has been possible for me to return and work here in Vietnam. To see students prepared for studying abroad. But their leaving has a promise of a return (two-way).

Many are leaving for home on this long holiday. Home where we all leave 0ur hearts behind.

If I had known there would someday be a return, I wouldn’t have cried so much. I wouldn’t have turned my back on mother’s land and mother’s tongue.

I wouldn’t have wasted my time taking classes on tangent subjects such as Buddhism in America (Summer) or Radio production (required).

My degree in media was hardly put to use. Now Social Media is taking over.

New generation, new ways to connect.

Oh well. I wouldn’t have taken my heart with me on that fateful trip to America aboard the USS ship.

I would have left my heart behind.

I wouldn’t have short-changed my heritage for bad attitude under the euphemism called assertiveness training.

I would have preserved my core values e.g. filial son of Vietnam. Ironically, I can now reclaim this, only after my parents were buried in Virginia and I, am still alive, in Vietnam. Should have been the other way around. They would have preferred it that way. So while in Vietnam, I miss Virginia. And vice versa. It is to show that the heart is least understood and most abused.

How do I know this? Seeing young people rushing home, while I as an expat got no place to go.

That’s why I know. That’s how I feel. Odd ball on the dance floor. You can travel the thousands miles, but can’t do much with the heart with a fix on a certain place, person and period. That’s what makes us human. That we  miss something or someone. To the point of dying for it. Or feel like it in its absence. I guess that’s what I did some three and a half decade ago: leaving my heart behind on that dock no 5 of the Saigon River.

Strange shores

I reward myself with strong coffee after my morning exercise.

It had been a month before I found out that Cam Ly, a Vietnamese famous singer – with her signature song “Bo Ben La’ (strange shores) live in the house next to the alley where I had my coffee.

Strange shores, strange circumstances.

When in the US, I listened to that song, thinking about being a stranger selling sea shells at a  strange shore (tongue twister).  Now, sitting here, next to her house, stirs strange sensation.

Ironic! Fateful!

The Vietnamese diaspora has come to terms with itself.

It’s been almost 38 years to date.

More than enough to heal old wounds, start new life and families, or reinvent one’s self.

Some even had new names: Tommy (not Hilfiger), Cindy etc..

But strange names might not guarantee same results.

The women seem to adjust better in foreign environment (manicuring trade).

Male expats (immigrants in this case) have receded to the far corner of vices (gambling, alcohol and homelessness – including many GI‘s).

The hyphen generation (Vietnamese-American) have fared better: doctors, dentists and designers.

But the third generation will ask questions: why do I look the way I do (slanted eyes, but white inside. Banana generation).

They will Google the Vietnam War, google The Last Day of Saigon etc…

They will search and research.

What legacy? what is there to be proud of?

Stranded on strange shores, what are their heritage? When they visit Vietnam, it will be strange shore to them.

Meanwhile, a new generation of Vietnamese students here are preparing to study abroad. I saw their eagerness to learn “when do we have that tutoring session you mentioned the other day?”.

I like it.

Learn, baby learn.

You will need to log in 10,000 hours to master a new skill set.

English has 2 million vocab and counting.

Co-location and forms vs functions will exponentially increase that pool.

Learn baby learn.

Then share it with others.

Be the Master.

Be the Master of your universe.

Be back from strange shores and share the spoil.

Bo Ben La, Bo Ben La.

I miss that song already, even when the singer is living right next door.

Maybe I can make off with a  ticket to hear her at live concert. Let me see if my diplomatic skill still works here after living in strange shores for so long. ” Hi, I am your fan who has traveled really far to hear you. Can you sign here…woops, I don’t have a ticket to the show for you  to autograph”.

Keep dreaming. Bo Ben La..

Past lives

Alpha-Omega or reincarnation?

Steve Jobs didn’t believe all those talents would disappear in a flash.

Many here in Asia believe the same.

Hypnotism brings back deep-seated memories in the brain, recalling multiple past lives .

Duyen No.

L’amour and Debt.

No coincidence.

Just virtuous or vicious cycle.

Spin it baby.

Make your choices. Think you are in control?

I know I have my parents’ gene pool.

My kids are partly mine and their moms’.

So on so forth.

Today Vietnam celebrates its Founding King.

Thoughtfulness and simplicity. Banh day Banh chung.

Round and Square, rice and beans, the Earth and the Moon.

Harmony. Peace. And Stability.

Being a small country, Vietnam has to fend of invaders with whatever comes handy.

Giac den nha dan ba phai danh (when attacked, women take up arms).

Then peace time. Farewell to arms. Welcome L’Oreal, Louis Vuitton and Lauren.

Just don’t assume. Behind the make-ups lies strength and subtlety.

Hai Ba Trung. Ba Trieu.

Don’t mess with them.

Just smile, sweat and sorrow.

Fight on. Firm up your footing.

Turf and territorial protection.

This land is our land.

Shinning seas and dusty hills.

Fight on.

Then come home to simplicity, sweat and smile.

Alpha-Omega? No.

Next lives. Non-stop. Live on. Pay forward and pay backward.

Waste not your time. But then, time is always on your side. At least, here, in Vietnam.

For thousand of years people celebrate simplicity, harmony and subtlety. Gio To. Gio Cha. Gio Chong.

The self is not celebrated. It’s communal. It’s trans-generational. It’s eternal and cyclical. Forever bound in an unbroken chain of melody and harmony. Sounds like a chant, sounds like music. Sounds like Holiday. Sounds playful. Zen-ful.

Rain and tears

In the three months that I was in Vietnam, I have seen more rain and tears than 3 years in the US.

When it rains, it pours. Then, it all of a sudden clears up. Branches and trees start to breathe and “branch out”.

The tears’ part came from funerals that have a way to announce themselves, some even hired gay performers to lament on the bereaved’s behalf.

But not all are rain and tears here in the city.

I just viewed a clip taped at ICT conference last year,  showing pole dancers (w/out the poles) in between general sessions.

The entertainment agents here are also busy at events all over the city.

Things are looking up even as rain and tears flow down.

What is down will sow the seeds for what is up.

Environmental and social ecosystem: learn from others’ mistakes,

stay in the forefront of change and surf the waves.

We still see Monkey Bridge outside the city.  Other bridges are more modern, but shared by bikes, buses and trains.

During my time away, I guess there were enough rain and tears to overflow city rivers and canals.

Younger generations just take things at face values. Besides, why ponder and bewildered by things one cannot change. Just be on the move, constantly. People in motion. Fingers in motion (playing games). Products and services in motion (KFC and pizza delivered on bikes).

I heard that catering is an emerging business. Why not “in-home” cuisine as prelude to in-home care. Enough rain and tears. Now is the time for laughing and not lamenting, joy and not sorrow.  Enough rain and tears to last a life time. From here on, update that software version in the head to enjoy Peace Time Vietnam.

Something in the way.. of Vietnam

I just viewed a clip about Vietnam during the 40-50’s (French lady riding and reading the papers on a moving cyclo, newspaper boy wearing beret…).

Something in the way, she moves… attract me like no other lover…

A North Carolinian I picked up yesterday from the airport (for TESOL course) said “there is something about Vietnam I can’t get a finger on” ( I ventured to guess: adrenaline?).

He said yes, that’s it.

This morning, they withdrew a quarter of a syringe of my blood. Cholesterol level was pronounced good. Two eggs please.

But my jogging days are soon over (with the right knee needed extra oil – the doc suggested swimming. She did not say, dancing).

I was feeling down, when I saw a full amputee (lost both legs) hop down from a bus. Not only that, he then hopped up behind the xe-om (scooter taxi) for the last leg , no punt intended, of his trip.

Something in the way Vietnam moves…..attract me like no other country..

You have to be bold, to be wise and to be on your best to survive here.

The determination ensures the destiny of Vietnam.

Young students are aware that they have to start lessons in Mandarin among other things.

They know who is number 2 in world economy, and number 1 in proximity.

Same choice my family made when switching me from French school to English school.

Follow the money. Use all your resources.

Adapt. Two-prong plugs in a three-prong society (courtesy of Andy Rooney).

Or in this case, four-wheels are impeded in a two-wheel city (parking, fuel costs, security risks etc..).

Tonight, I have to go to the airport again to  pick up the last student of our upcoming TESOL class. Another American, in from Bangkok.

He will be in for a surprise. He will be at a loss finding the right word to describe Vietnam. Culture shock!

He would say, “Vietnamese women try to make it work”. Adrenaline all the way baby.

This guy wanted to know if there were a coffee shop or food stalls etc…

He will spend his nights toss and turn after a few cafe sua da. Then he will get hooked.

Something in the way she moves…..

If you are fence-sitting, Vietnam is not for you. There is the method to the madness (traffic non-pattern).

But then, the sweetest and the smartest are found here, mathematics genius, for one.

Then the sorriest of the bunch, as in the amputee I saw, is also here, hopping  on buses, trains and scooters.

Making it work!

If that man is mobile despite his apparent loss of mobility, nobody should be complaining about a knee-joint.

So I will shut up now.

Something in the way, he moves…..

Teen boys’ dreams

It’s all there on my friend’s web site: the seating lay-out in the classroom (three jr-high students to a table) I drew up 40 years ago. When you click on a name, it pops up a few byline and that friend’s mushy words about “summer time” or “we will never be this good as a group – cutting classes… knowing a few of us would be drafted to the war zones”.

Also posted was a picture of three guys, who shared a table in the back of the class, all with bell-bottom pants and innocent looks (one of them later came back from the war zone with only one eye left). Ironically, it’s him who later created the web page, which also runs a personal ad looking for the other two.

On my first trip back to Vietnam after 25 years away, I managed to track down a friend who used to sit next to me (table next to last). He in turn helped connect the three in the picture I have just seen.

Those early day “postings” were our version of facebook. They bore imprints of innocence and premonition for our soon-to-be-lost youth , fours years after Tet 68 and one year before the Paris Accord, which was signed 40 years to date.

I still remember those diaries. They were passed around at the end of the school year, to record our impressions of each other and our time in middle school. During the year, we had produced our version of Wall Paper (the student version of White Paper), for the entire school to read.

We stayed up late, typing, designing and laying out. Then, we used the school stencil (roneo) papers the night before deadline.

We named it “Uoc Vong” (Aspiration).

Since co-ed only introduced a few years later and only for night school, we boys had to stick together all those hot afternoons. Extra-curricular actvities would include volley ball, soccer, ping-pong, Rock music practice, karate, fund-raising campaigns for refugees fleeing the war zones (the girl in the  picture) and a bit of home-grown journalism.

Those four years were incubating time.

We were pruned in school tradition with “flame” as our mascot and learned to emulate upper-classmen (Quoc Dung who wrote music at the age of 12, and got noteriety at 16). We participated in and campaigned for student representative posts. Even after getting elected to the Student Council, I still had to observe the pecking order (seniors got to pick the best all-girl schools to sell our Tet magazine to). Being junior, I ended up with a nearby “rough” co-ed schools (where other boys surely wouldn’t give us free rein on their campus to court “their female classmates”).

We also learned a very important lesson: friendship lasts forever!

After four decades of drifting apart (with one known dead, and two wounded) then stumbling upon that picture of the tallest boys, with Lobo‘s hair and bell-bottom pants, facing the black/white camera, I felt a lump in my throat. If they had only known.

Had I only  known.

Yet even then, I sensed that our lives would be swept along by strong political currents.

I wrote  on our Wall Paper ” around the bend, further ahead, where we have yet seen, but with a good chance of turning out not as thought.. in whatever shape or form we found ourselves then, let’s meet and greet as if time had stood still and that we remain friends despite of it all”.

That turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. The one-eyed red-beret is currently visiting Vietnam. I showed up early on the third day of Tet at his door step to fetch him, and guided him across a busy street.

He used to be a black belt but has to wear black boots to straighten his crooked ankle (a one-eyed shaky hand and crooked leg man). “No matter what shape or form we found ourselves then, let’s meet and greet as if time had stood still”.

In the US, Vietnam vets are calling attention to the plight of vet homelessness.

It’s the same everywhere: we are quick to forget, unless something triggered our memory and sparked our imagination. It’s not an unsolvable issue, but the “social” dimension needs to be personalized. When asked why a little girl tried to save a star fish when the seas are full of them. She replied “it matters to that one”.

My teen boy’s dream has made a 360-degree turn on me; my personal Timeline has just sent a reminder to my inbox, urging me to click on a link to the past.  Around the bend, further up the road where things have yet revealed themselves to us, let’s make a commitment to stay friends despite of it all (war and its unintended consequences). Dream, dream, dream.

Time, on whose side?

Just like an old-time movie, friends met yesterday to rehash.

We mentioned briefly the passing away of our friend’s brother: nerdy, good old boy and an ATM machine service man and family man. In short, the least likely candidate to die young. Yet, he had been long gone (by now 3 years).

Earth, Wind and Fire used to have a song out called “Time is on your side”.

I don’t think so.

One can conjure up various scenarios for end-of-life, but it will end regardless, without credits roll (perhaps we should get going with our acknowledgement page just in case).

Feature-length movies, by convention, last one hour and a half (same way Twitter limits a tweet to 140 characters).

Except for Costner’s and Cameron’s (Dancing with Wolves and Titanic).

Life happens while we are busy planning it (John Lennon).

It came concurrently and not sequentially:  a brief sunset, a nagging child, a teacher’s stern look.

One can find happiness in confinement (Life is Beautiful) or at the last moment (Mozart’s Requiem).

It’s not over until it is truly over

When I was 4 or 5 years old, I saw neighbors carry out a dead man .

He had lived alone in a house in the alley.

I did not know his name. Only learned later that he had died without any relatives around him.

By all measures (culturally), he died unhappily.

He could have lived twice his age then, but his death was still viewed as an unhappy one. Quality trumps quantity.

Biotech has extended our “feature-length” narrative, from one-hour-and-a-half lifescript to that of Titanic’s and Dancing with Wolves’.

What are we going to do with all those extra hours? Amusing ourselves to death while waiting for death (there hasn’t been a playbook for seniors – Paterno for instance has just passed away at 85 after getting sacked by the BOD at my school).

In Silicon Valley where Steve Jobs started out, the motto was “trust no one above 30”.

Yet, Sculley and other investment banking CEO’s pocketed huge severance despite their poor performance.

Time is on whose side?

Of course not on the side of the poor or the pure of hearts (keep the faith).

Even with director’s cut, a feature-length film still needs to be trimmed down.

As creatures of selective memories, we often edit out and reinvent our past.

Nowhere else can you find serious anticipation of the new and relinquishing of the past than in Vietnam, during Tet.

The Year of the Dragon has finally arrived. It roars, dances and puffs out fire.

We invent myths and matiarials to redefine who we are (he is from a Royal breed, a Lexus owner).

Vietnamese people  are known as descendants of Dragon and Angel. To understand Vietnam, you need to understand its literary life.

Vietnamese  honors duty above death, sacrifice above love. These tales of heroism are the baseline. “Time is on whose side” is an irrelevant question. Happiness defined as personal fulfillment is also out of the question. People here see themselves as in transit, with Earth another station along the way. Home is where ancestors are waiting, provided you had fulfilled your filial obligation and honored them by courageous living. Try to work that in the State of the Union address, and see its impact on American society? (You lied!). On the CEO’s on Wall Street. On the armed men who preyed on US campus.

America needs Vietnam as much as Vietnam needs America, since time is on neither side.

Maybe all we need is time

Time heals all wounds.

It also ushers in a generation, now in high school and college.

Here in Vietnam, students have classes on Saturdays and even Sundays.

Kids of all ages, in uniforms or out of, but always with a backpack, riding on wheels of all types: bikes, electric bikes, scooters, sedans, and

buses.

They shop at night markets where there are food stalls, snacks stalls and magazine stalls.

Life in the fast lane (the only time I slow down is when I jaywalk across a busy street).

I have tried to put Vietnam in a box, but so far it’s been in vain: not scooter nation, not helmet nation, not multi-tasker nation.

I know one clear difference between life here vs in the US: your survival instinct better kicks in quick (Maslow‘s basic need).

Because it’s noisy, dusty and hot, people want to cocoon themselves in A/C  cul-de-sacs.

Common use of language also helps people cope: “choi” (play aspect) is inserted in every other sentence: “choi troi”, “choi chu”, “choi noi”, “choi luon” (upstage, wordy, flashy and go all the way).

Give Vietnam some time.

It will soon get to be a nation of 100 million, whose population is evenly distributed in a bell shape.

The UN person, Mehta, warned Vietnam about the “middle-income trap”.

They have seen it happen with Malaysia, Indonesia and the Philippines.

The trends are there for Vietnam to grow.  Next step is to harness growth to produce desired outcomes. It’s not accidental that the former leader of Singapore was invited to speak here quite often.

He knew a thing or two about realizing a nation’s dream.

Maybe all we need is time. Some watch trains go by, all of their lives. Watching and wondering how others met and make it last. (courtesy of Stephen Bishop).

Micro Resolution

When you were young and with others, you wanted to start a revolution.

But if you were young, but alone, you might want New Year Resolution e.g. diet, “biggest loser”, learning Spanish, pick up a new skill set.

Then when you have been around the block a few times, you still think of New Year resolution, but just  micro ones e.g. jogging every other day, email your kids every other week.

We need to tell ourselves it’s not been OK. That there is room for improvement.

Never too late. For older guys, to meet someone new, even a new male friend, is a hassle: how much can I put trust in the guy even though he has been my friend’s friend? What does he want in exchange ?

In business, even with benefits spelled out in details, people still want to let it simmer. Fools rush in!

On a larger scale, consumer sentiment makes or breaks an economy already teetering on the brink. It’s been more than three long years.

We haven’t trusted ourselves enough. Nursing our wound feels safer than taking small risk.

Government gets bigger, but our paychecks smaller.

The skeptics have had a field day: they would never run out of materials for late night TV.

David Brook of the NYTimes noticed a trend in communitarianism in a small town near Baton Rouge. The kind acts were so real it could be surreal.

Neighbor actually lighted the candle at your loved one’s grave?

Makes me want to live there, to be a part of this “Utopian”.

(in fact, the main character in the story did just that, with their move from  PA back to LA).

Right now, I am living  in a city of roughly 9 Million. And tonight, there will be at least one tenth of the city gather near the river to watch the fireworks.

I am sure there have been small kind acts everyday (I helped a kid in a toy car roll up the stiff sidewalk just now).

Here, people are “white-skin envy” (mannequins in stores are all white).

If you found a black person, perhaps he/she is around 40 years old, fathered during of the Vietnam War. Other Africans who did not make the soccer team also decided to stay on but constitute a tiny portion.

I read somewhere that the greatness of a nation is in how it treats its weakest link (the US with its handicap law enactment is undeniably civilized). Nordic countries are way up there on this scale.

In the end, it’s our every-day act of kindness that adds up.

Let’s make this our micro resolution.

President Bush was sincere when he urged the nation to go about daily routine, such as shopping (right after 9/11). That resolution could be taken out of context. I would rather understand him as saying, let’s have our micro-resolution of many as answers to the macro-barbaric acts of a few. The key is togetherness. His dad’s adage was “a thousand points of lights”. Let 2012 be the year of our thousand micro resolutions.

Pay it forward!