Tag: Conditions and Diseases

Growing pain

Tragedy and triumph seem to go hand in hand.

Past pain could be paralysing yet addictive.

Those who couldn’t get over it end up going back to it.

Not for the broken experience but for the context where pain first occurred. When shattered, we threw the baby out with the bath water. In coming back, with time and distance in between, we can salvage the damage tragedy had destroyed.

Since “baby” and “bath water” were together, we always end up with both.

Stimuli and response again. Painful again. Bitter pills to swallow.

I remember my first trip back to Fateful Beach (see other blog).

Later, a few more times, I could swim, play in the sand and regain that childlike feelings.

Pain of the past never remains in the past or at the place it first occurred. It stays and grows with us. Becomes part of us. We are all walking depositories of both pain and pleasure (ask our parents how we did come about). When our brain forgets part of past pain, it’s good amnesia.

So fear not the swim up river. There might still be ambush. There might be not.

Chances for accident and mishaps to happen twice to someone at the same place is almost nil.

But in that far corner of our head recedes that creeping fear of past tragedy. Call it Post traumatic Stress Disorder.

So we close its door, and throw away the key.

But it’s there, growing. gaining weight on its own. A stranger within, waiting  to be met, to be friended with. To be at peace with .

It’s natural and healthy for Black Swan and White one to co-exist.

As long as the duality makes us strong and not weakens us.

It’s part of life. Pain (past and future) that is.

Failure as prereq

Maybe it’s just me. But people I associate with don’t seem to do well these days.

Sectors once thrived are now wiped out: telecom, housing and to some extent, publishing.

HR at HP has been busy.

We learn from failure.

By turning it into seed of success.

Success and failure leave a different taste in the mouth: sweet and sour.

To live a full life, one needs to learn how to swallow both.

Failure often accompanies loneliness. You wouldn’t go out and celebrate with others.

You lick your own wound in the dark and in isolation.

You won’t find many Yes men around to toast with.

It’s meeting-Jesus time.

Penance.

Retrenching. Redemption.

Taking inventory: what assets  vs what liabilities?

Learn to stage a return. Review the script.

Check the audition board.

They always need fresh meat for the rituals (sacrificial lamb).

What came before will come around again.

No one is born a loser.

Unless we allow the statement to stay true.

Failure is as common as a bruised knee.

Keep getting back up and ride. The balance is found in continuing motion, in trying.

Failure teaches us more than success, albeit bitter lessons in penance.

Hopefully people I know who are in a rut , know how to soon put it behind and try again, instead of fail to try.

People-people problems

Technical issues can be dealt with, even if we have to farm it out.

People problems, especially when it’s personal, and potentially embarrassing, tend to linger on, and if unresolved and cancerous.

We simply wish they go away.

And they will. When the people died.

Those of us who stand one foot in tech and the other in marketing must understand where our customers are, before we can sell them. Consumer savvy and marketer savoir faire.

When relationships are going well, nothing come close.

We sleep better, eat better and drink more.

Joie de vivre.

It keeps going and going.

We need to work with and through people to achieve great things.

We need people to use our services and products.

And we need people to share our time and lives with .

Unless you want to read the whole library, alone,  the rest of your life.

People who need people.

People who are hurt by people.

And people who think they can do without people.

Learn the basics: their needs and wants, their psychological make-ups,

and even learn through mistakes: what makes them tick.

The thing about people is that they know when we are sincere and trying.

And chances are, because none of us are angels, we will soon forgive the person who pissed us off, since we ourselves are none the better.

I hope things work out for you this day, as mine did.

I could sleep through the night just because people-people problem went away.

Again, we smile at people. Curse them not. Because positivity begets more of the same. Keep your relationship currency balance. And free your emotional reserve to collaborate and to achieve greatness.

Trust again

People with bad experiences go through various phases in recovery.

Some need a lifetime. Others could trust again in no time.

All depends how the mind plays tricks. If pain recedes deep into long-term memory, then it takes longer to process pain.

Short or long-term memory, bad experiences stay. They surface on unsuspected occasion (Murphy’s Law).

Mine is about to happen again. The post-traumatic disorder. The pain of separation, of loss and of reunion.

It has been a long time . Long enough to look at it with academic detached eyes. Culture shock, reverse culture shock and personal acceptance.

No one can undo his or her past. No one can predict his/her future.

Only the moment. Cherish it. The usual. That predictable cup of coffee. A familiar face in the crowd. One simple joy of a child’s smile. Trust again.

Music often evokes those feelings e.g. a broken relationship, a lost connection.

Pain of an unraveled relationship.

People hurting people. Policies that destroy instead of building up.

Mistakes committed and opportunities lost.

We fear not new things. We fear that new things will evoke or add to bad memories.

We project the past unto the unknown. We no longer want to take risks.

To trust again.

Could that place, this person do me any good? Or just harm?

Leave me alone and let me retire to familiar pain.

Institutions often fall into this trap as well. Back to basics. Back to safe practices. Operating on marginal cost etc….Yet as counter-intuitive as it may seem, to survive, institution and individual need to take risks (The Innovator’s Dilemma).  Life is like riding the bicycle, so you need to keep moving ahead, says Einstein.

So I charge ahead. Trust again. And say a prayer. This morning. This moment.

This very day. That’s the only moment in time I am granted to grow and learn. And to trust again.

Tears in the here and now

I am not Italian.

Yet I broke out in tears yesterday, at least three times.

A medical check revealed that I had a minor stroke five years ago, which means I have lived on life extension without knowing it.

Had I known this sooner, would I have lived my life differently?

Or moving forward, what corrections must I make.

I forwarded medical facts about stroke to friends.

I called up close friends and families to tell them I loved them dearly.

I hated myself for letting distraction become attraction, and 80 become 20 (80/20 rule).

Clapton nailed his emotion in “Tears in heaven” after his child’s accident.

Tears wash away regrets and cleanse our hearts. One could fake a laugh, not a tear.

Not men.

Not non-Italian men.

If I had died five years ago, I would have regret not meeting new people, attending live music and seeing new places (good, bad and ugly).

I would be a lost soul, floating near Earth‘s surface to “crash” the gates of aristocrat’s parties, rock concerts and launch parties (movies and books).

I would nest near my daughters’ beds, so as not to wake them.

I would cry, shed ghostly tears when boy friends broke my daughters’ hearts.

And I would laugh at friends’ jokes without consuming the beer.

I would still submit requests for my favorite 70’s songs and wish that generation never disappear.

My spirit will continue to look for a heart of gold, still do it my way, and clip a flower on a girl’s hair in San Francisco.

Yes, there have been tears to pepper laughter. After all, it’s part of the script. Life script . Of growing up, growing old and growing wise.

Best part of living in spirit and not in body is that you get to travel for free. In weightlessness, we are free to carry one another’s burden. He ain’t heavy, he is my brother.